


The Adventures Of Anabel Edwards

by Cosmicphandom2k16



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Arguing, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-06-07 03:50:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6783991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmicphandom2k16/pseuds/Cosmicphandom2k16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anabel accidentally runs into Dan and Phil on a train home to Manchester. Not only did they save her mentally by watching their videos, eventually, they also save her body and soul too. This is the story of a girl who is saved to the fullest extent of the word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Christmas Travels

Christmas Travels

So, it was that crazy time of year again. Everyone was preparing for the Yule tide season, which included going home to see family for the holidays.

It was literally three days until Christmas, and I was travelling home from Reading to Manchester to see my family and friends. I hated being at a university so far away from home - but Reading, was the only one who had the courses I wanted.

Anyway, on the day I decided to travel, it seemed the whole world and her mother had decided to do the exact same thing. Reading station was positively heaving with commuters. I silently thanked whichever deities that were listening that I'd bought my tickets online, and printed them off. The queues at the windows and machine were ridiculously long, and I was already running twenty minutes late due to the traffic around the one way system in the town centre.

When I eventually arrived on platform ten, I was given a slight reprieve, as the the Manchester Piccadilly train was running ten minutes late anyway.

As it pulled in, I could see the train was already fairly packed. Cursing under my breath, I clambered aboard, and hauled my suitcase after me. As I walked through the carriages I looked for an empty seat but the only seats that seemed to be available were facing two guys who seemed to be having a deep conversation about something or other.

As I got closer, I realised just who those two guys were. I felt my heart start to hammer in my chest as excitement rose within me - I had to remind myself to breathe - they were humans as well as Youtube stars.

"Is anyone sitting here?" I asked quickly and albeit nervously.

"I'm sorry what did you say?" asked Dan Howell politely.

"I asked if anyone was sitting here? Everywhere else is almost full," I explained quickly, just in case.

"No, those seats are free," said Phil Lester with a friendly smile.

"Oh thank God!" I said with a small laugh.

Realising I was blocking the aisle, I started to pick my suitcase up, to put in the overhead luggage rack.

"Here, let me help you," offered Dan as the train jolted into movement, nearly causing me to totter backwards.

Bless the boy - he could see I was really rather embarrassed, but he didn't say a word. He gently took my suitcase from me and lifted it up into the rack for me.

"Thanks," I muttered as I sat down. I was grateful my hair was as long as it was, as it swung in front of my face to hide my still scarlet face.

After a few minutes I felt the heat in my cheeks starting to recede, and I pulled my hair back over my shoulder, and tried to relax. Pulling out a jotter pad and a pen I placed them on the table in front of me. As I looked up, I locked eyes with Dan. He was frowning slightly.

"Are you a reporter?"

I watched as Phil put a hand on Dan's arm to catch his attention.

"Dan, does she look like a reporter?" asked Phil in amusement.

"I guess not - It's just..." he broke off whatever he'd been about to say.

Finally I found my voice. "To answer your question, no I'm not a reporter. I'm a Harry Potter fan fiction writer, I got this out in case I have a plot bunny come to mind," I said with a small laugh. "Besides which, I have no clue who you even are, so why would I want to write a report about you even if I was a reporter?"

I instantly congratulated myself on my clever lie. Suddenly thinking about it, I realised I hadn't even introduced myself.

"Hi, I'm Anabel Edwards. Reading uni student and part time northerner," I finished with a grin.

"Hello Anabel Edwards, I'm Phil Lester. Youtuber and also part time northerner," laughed Phil in reply.

I just grinned. Even in real life he was cute and adorable.

"Hi, I'm Dan Howell, nice to meet you," said Dan simply after Phil had given him a sharp nudge in the ribs with his elbow.

Once the introductions were done a silence settled over us all. I ferreted in my bag for my ipod and earphones, and settled back in my seat to watch the scenery flashing past the window.

Surreptitiously I watched the guys out of the slits in my eyes. Occasionally I caught them laughing together, touching hands and giving each other chaise kisses on the lips.

Inwardly, my heart was doing a conga - I knew they were more than friends, and I'd been right all along. Outwardly, I pretended to be smiling to the song I was currently listening too.

About an hour and a half into the journey the guards voice came over the tannoy system. I missed most of the announcement as I had my earphones in, and the rest just seemed a garbled mess.

"...to be... at Birmingham New Street."

"What was that?" I asked as I pulled my earphones out of my ears after seeing the stricken looks on the guys faces.

"Seems there's a faulty signal on the line and it's going to be another hour before we'll even get into Birmingham New Street," supplied Phil who sounded really peeved off.

Groaning, I flumped back in my seat. Just. My. Bloody. Luck!

"Oh bleedin' heck, just what I don't need right now," I muttered angrily. I pulled out my phone and furiously began texting my Mum to let her know I was going to be late.

"You and me both!" said Dan looking thoroughly fed up as I looked up from my phones screen.

Looking at him, I could see he seemed really uncomfortable again. As the train came to a screeching halt, a few of the standing passengers lurked backwards, forwards, or sideways. One bloke nearly landed on top of Dan.

Claustrophobic too, huh?" I asked gently.

Dan just nodded miserably.

"It'll be fine Dan. You just need to remember to breathe, and keep your mind occupied that's all. Come on you can do it," said Phil softly as he pulled Dan a little closer towards him.

"I know, I know," said Dan giving Phil an appreciative look.

As I sat opposite them and watched the tender scene before me, I suddenly felt incredibly lonely. Where was my Phil? I also felt like I was encroaching on a very private moment. But in my current state the words blurted out of me before I could stop them. "So how long have you two been together? You make such a cute couple."

The silence hung heavy over all of us. Dan and Phil just looked at each other, hoping the other would maybe answer first. But It was me who spoke again first.

"I'm so so sorry, that was really nosey of me," I said apologetically.

Biting my lip, I looked away quickly. Shame coursed through me. What the fuck was wrong with me? Talk about putting my size six feet in my mouth. 'Idiot! Way to go! Way to make them feel uncomfortable!' I chastised myself heartily.

Finally I heard Phil clear his throat. "We've been together since 2009 - so about six years now," he said it so quietly I almost missed what he said altogether.

"Anabel this is important - you can't tell anyone. Whether you know who we are or not, this stays between us," said Dan earnestly and seriously.

Seeing as they'd been so honest with me, I felt it only fair to be honest with them.

"Phil, Dan, look I do know who you both are. I lied because I just wanted you both to be able to relax and enjoy the journey home. But I swear on everything I hold dear, I will not tell a soul. I have too much love and respect for you both to go blabbing. I'm sorry I lied before, if you want I'll go away now."

With that being said, I quickly gathered my stuff together and began shoveling it into my shoulder bag. As I stood up, I felt someone gently grab my hand, I looked down and saw it was Dan clinging to me.

"Hey, whoa, whoa, Anabel hold up," said Phil Frowning. "Look I understand why you lied to us, and I actually do appreciate that you wanted to let us relax - in a sense you were trying to be mature by not having -er- a fangirl moment and drawing attention to us. So for that I'm thankful, very thankful."

Gently Dan guided me back into my seat, and I gave them both a weak smile.

"Are you sure you're not angry with me?"

"Nah, besides I need another pretty face to look at," said Phil as he winked at me.

The look of jealously Dan shot Phil, nearly had me laughing out loud. Smothering giggles, I looked from one to the other.

"You two are so cute," I winked, thoroughly enjoying the moment.

Just at that moment the train jolted back to life. After what had seemed a lifetime, but was in fact only thirty minutes. "Hoo bloody ray," muttered Dan happily.

"About bloody time, I bet my tea is going to be well cold by the time I get home," I said crossly.

I caught Phil grinning at me.

"What?" I asked with a frown.

"There's that northern accent I was looking for."

I just laughed. "Yeah, it tends to get broader when I'm angry. Guess I've been down south for too long." I was in my fourth year of uni.

"Phil mate, you wouldn't happen to have a spare chuddy would ya?" I asked suddenly, broadening my dialect again.

For a moment Phil just looked at me, then started to laugh. He put his hand in his coat pocket and pulled out a stick of gum and handed it to me.

Dan sat looking mystified as to what we were on about.

"What the hell? What the hell is a chuddy? And why did you give her a stick of gum?" said Dan looking thoroughly put out at the conversation going on between Phil and I.

"Oh Daniel, my poor southern lad, so ignorant," I said in a teasing tone.

Phil laughed lightly and turned to Dan to explain.

"In Lancashire, a chuddy is a stick of chewing gum," said Phil grinning hugely.

Dan huffed a little and seemed put out that I could communicate to Phil in what seemed a totally different language. After that I fell silent - I felt it best not to talk to them to much more. Instead I turned my head away and pretended to watch the scenery out of the window. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Phil quietly talking to Dan. I stayed silent.

As the train neared Stoke-On-Trent, I finally pulled my jotter and pen back out of my bag. I'd been sat deliberating since Stafford if I should do this or not. In the end I felt what was the harm.

On the piece of page I tore out I wrote my full name, address, phone number, email addresses, and all my social media details. I folded the piece of paper and slid it towards Dan. Taking it he opened it warily. After he read it he smiled and nodded at me, then handed it to Phil. I let go the breath I didn't even realise I was holding.

"Look it's entirely up to you guys if you want to keep in contact, I've given you that on the off chance," I explained with a shrug.

Moments later the guard announced our short arrival into Manchester Piccadilly. I began rounding my stuff up and putting it back into my shoulder bag. Without even asking, Dan got up and got my suitcase out of the luggage rack for me.

" Anabel what day are you travelling back?" asked Dan suddenly.

"I'm travelling back, January third. Why?"

"I was just wondering if it was the same day as us, and if it was, would you like to meet us and travel back with us?" Dan asked smiling at me.

"Oh..." I said in astonishment.

"Phil, what date are we travelling back to London?"

"The third of January as well. So would you like to meet us and travel back with us?" asked Phil grinning.

"Only if you don't mind," I said with my head spinning slightly. "You have my contact details."

"We'd love it," said Dan sincerely.

(This made me wonder exactly what Phil had said to Dan for the sudden change in attitude).

The train finally pulled into Manchester Piccadilly. Once we were on the platform, I instinctively gave both guys a huge hug and kiss on the cheek each - well I should say Phil's hug and kiss was totally natural, and oh my God, Phil gave the best hugs ever! As for Dan, everything he'd said in his 'Human Interaction' video was true. At best his hug was awkward and stilted, the kiss was a mere brush of lips against his cheek as he'd lent forward to allow the totally awkward hug. Phil had just watched on in slight amusement.

"Merry Christmas," I said throatily as I waved them goodbye for now.


	2. Christmas Rescue

Christmas Rescue.

'Buzz, buzz, buzz'

I opened one eye sleepily and glanced at the clock on my bedside table.

'5.30 in the fucking morning! You've got to be fucking kidding me' I thought as I de-tangled myself from my quilt and picked up my phone.

Realising it was a text, I opened it, and blinked sleepily a couple of times before the words started to sink in.

'Merry Christmas, Anabel. I hope you have a fantastic day! :D love from, Phil.'

I laid there grinning stupidly at my phone. He sounded like such an over-excited child. To tired to reply, I put my phone down, and rolled over and went back to sleep.

At a more civilised time my mother came and woke me up with a cup of coffee. Remembering the text, I replied.

'Hey you crazy mofo, what time do you call 5.30? LOL. I hope you and Dan have a great day too. Much love, Anabel xx'

After that, I got up and went downstairs to open the pile of presents from family and friends under the Christmas tree.

Christmas day was always a fun day. We'd have my grandparents over, Mum would cook copious amounts of food, and then after Christmas tea, we'd play party games like charades. Over the course of the day my mind wandered to what Phil and Dan were up to. Probably much the same as me I figured.

Boxing day was always a much quieter affair. It would just be Mum, Dad and me. As dad had behaved so well on Christmas day he would go nuts with the alcohol the next day. Only problem with him drinking was he became a little to 'handsy.'

Most of the time I managed to avoid him when he got like this, but not this year. This year I loitered too long in the kitchen making self a coffee when he smacked me one.

Shocked I ran to my bedroom and sat on the edge of bed and willed myself not to cry, but moments later, I was in full flow. I could hear Mum berating him for hitting me, when I heard another all mighty slap. Sighing and crying silently I laid back and stared at the ceiling.

Moments later my phone went off. I held the phone above me but didn't recognise the number straight away. Then I realised it was Phil again. I quickly answered before he could ring off.

"Hello?" I said suppressing a sob.

"Anabel? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Oh, it's nothing Phil," I said trying to pass it off. But there was no fooling Phil Lester.

"Anabel, I can hear you're crying. What in Gods name is going on?"

"My.. My dad hit me," I said as tears began coursing faster down my cheeks again.

"HE DID WHAT?" said Phil loudly righteous anger in each word. In the background I could hear a jumble of other voices. More than likely asking what was wrong.

"Hold on a mo."

Guessing Phil had put his hand over the speaker, I waited for his voice to reappear on the line.

"Anabel, get your stuff together, my brother, myself and Dan are coming to get you. No arguments! We'll be with you in about thirty minutes,"

"No, Phil, honestly it's fine..." but he cut me off.

"No, it's not fine in anyway, shape or form. Be ready okay? We're coming for you, see you soon."

Phil rung off. I sat mesmerised momentarily. I was going to be rescued by Phil and Dan? I tried pinching myself to make sure I hadn't fallen asleep. But the moment was real. Grabbing the suitcase off the top of my wardrobe, I hastily packed myself and waited.

Finally, forty minutes later I heard the doorbell ringing. I dashed down the stairs to open the door. I quickly switched the porch lantern on making Phil, Dan, and Martyn blink a little in surprise. Upon seeing me, and my now swelling right eye, Phil pulled me into a massive bear hug.

"Ready to go Ana?" he whispered in my ear as he released me.

I nodded quickly. Turning I found my dad was loitering in the hall, a bottle of beer in his hand.

"What the bloody hell is going on? Who are these pair of mardy looking arseholes?"

"Friends of mine dad, I'm going to stay with them for a few days," I said nervously.

"You ain't going no where me girl except to ya room."

"She's coming with us Mr Edwards," said Dan politely, a steely light entering his eyes.

"She'll do no such thing, she'll do as I tells her. Now fuck off," said my dad as he grabbed me by the arm and started dragging me away from the door.

Next thing I knew, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist as I was hauled by Dan out of the way. Martyn came thundering past me and punched my dad square on the jaw. He looked over his shoulder at me and grimaced.

"Sorry about that love, but I wasn't having a bar of it. No man should lay a hand on a woman, much less his daughter."

"Now, are you ready to go?" asked Phil in concern as Dan released me. "I am so sorry you had to see that."

I just nodded. Tears filled my throat to the point I just couldn't speak. When I did find my voice again a minute later, I still sounded rather throaty.

"Oh, I better check on my mum. I.. He hit her too," I said biting my lip to stop myself from crying again.

I saw the three guys all look at each other, thunder written on their faces. I quickly raced into the living room and found my mum in her usual chair by the fire. She had a black eye too, that was rapid beginning to swell. I explained the situation and what had just happened - mum was partially deaf so she hadn't heard the commotion in the hall.

Easy tears filled her eyes as she told me to go, to get away. She assured me she'd be okay, and I wasn't to worry, once he sobered up again he'd be fine. I quickly ran from the living room to the top of the stairs to grab my suitcase. Halfway down Dan grabbed it from me and hauled it out of the house, whilst I went to say goodbye to my mum.

When I reemerged from the living room again, Phil was stood awkwardly by himself waiting for me.

"Ready?"

I nodded as I stepped outside into the cold night air.

 

"Phil, I need to ask you something," I said suddenly as we approached the front gate.

"What's up?"

"Why me?" I asked simply. "What has made me so special? You have millions of fans, yet here you are rescuing me."

"You were the one who sat with us that day on the train, plus, there's just something about you that reminds me so much of Dan too. I also have a knack for picking up waifs and strays," he ended with a laugh. "Come on, lets go, I'm freezing."

I followed Phil to the car, and climbed in. My head spinning with confusion. Why me? Was all I kept asking myself, and what did he mean I reminded him of Dan? Did he see more than I let show? All through out the forty minute journey I sat quietly, deep in thought.

Eventually we pulled up to a nice looking detached house. Crazy paving ran from the front gate up to the doorstep. A gravel driveway stood empty as Martyn parked his car. Phil's mum must have been waiting for the car to return, as she opened the front door before any of us reached it.

"Alright Philip?" she queried.

"Alright Mum, we have her."

 

December 27th.

Mrs Lester, made a huge fuss of me to the point of embarrassment. She was a lovely lady, but I just wasn't used to it. I had to keep inventing ways to escape. Eventually I escaped into the back garden and sat on the back step wrapped up in one of Phil's hoodies. I barely felt the cold. So much had happened in such a short space of time. I wasn't sure if I was in this kingdom or the next right now.

I felt someone sit down next to me on the step.

"Hi, Anabel," said Dan quietly giving me a cutting look as I was wearing one of Phil's hoodies.

"Hey, Dan," I said quietly looking straight ahead. There was no way I could look at him. I knew what he was thinking of me, even though it wasn't true.

"You seem rather warm now," he said coolly.

"Oh Dan, can you not? Can you please not think the utmost worst of me?" I said sadly. Tears welled in my eyes and I hung my head to look at my shoes. "Yes I love Phil, but not like that. I know he's not interested in me in that way. He loves you."

I stood up suddenly and walked towards the side gate and down the ginnel to the street. I just let my feet take me where they wanted to, no conscious thought involved. Eventually I found myself in a park. I headed for a swing and sat down.

I don't know how long I was sat there for. It wasn't until I heard a voice yelling my name that I realised that I was actually cold, and very thirsty. I'd been so lost in a world of my own. Darkness was starting to fall too. I looked up and saw Phil and Martyn running towards me.

"Flamin' heck Anabel, don't just disappear like that!" said Phil as he reached me. "You had us worried."

"I'm sorry, my lovely, I didn't mean to frighten you," I replied softly and quietly but keeping my head down.

"Come on love, let's get ya home. Mam is doing her nut," said Martyn in kindly concern.

Phil grabbed me by the hands and pulled me to my feet. Gently he pulled me into a hug. After he released me, he wrapped his hand around mine and gently led me home.

Later that evening, after Mrs Lester had finished cooking up a storm in her kitchen, I slipped out of the living room as I was starting to feel suffocated again - I headed to the kitchen and started to rinse the plates to put in the dishwasher.

I jumped slight as I felt a pair of slender arms slip around my waist, and a chin come to rest on my shoulder. I didn't even need to turn around to know it was Phil - I recognised his aftershave.

"You didn't have to do that, Ana," said Phil quietly in my ear.

"No problems, I don't mind. Your mam has made me feel so welcome, so it's the least I can do," I said shrugging slightly.

A moment later the door swung open and I jumped so violently that I made Phil jump as well. Dan was stood in the doorway a cold look on his face.

"You two look cosy."

I saw the jealous fire burning in his brown eyes. Despite Phil jumping, he still had his arms around me. I gently disentangled myself from Phil's arms and took a step forward.

"Dan, for the last fucking time, you do not need to be fucking jealous! Okay? I am so sick of the cutting looks, and the icy coldness radiating from you all the time. Like I told you earlier, I love Phil, I do, he's the sweetest, loveliest guy imaginable. But I don't love him like that! He loves you! So quit was being such an ass all the time," I said the words ripping from me in a mixture of anger and tears. "I love you too by the way, if only you'd let me. I'm not going to hurt you, you know! I have just as many problems and I am probably as fucked up as you, more so probably!"

By this point I was sobbing my heart out.

Phil moved to hug me again. But I batted him away. I held Dan's glance for a moment before he opened his arms to me. I ran into them and he held me, properly held me. One hand was placed on my back, the other the side of head as he held me tightly against him. I sobbed heartily.

"Come on, Ana, shh, don't cry," Dan tried soothing. He sounded so adorably awkward.

I moved my head to look up at Dan for a moment. A silent thank you in my eyes, he gently smiled at me, and I gave him a watery smile back. I reached my hand up to the back of his neck, and drew his head down. I kissed him on the cheek, and he held me tighter. I snuggled into his embrace. I finally felt safe and loved, and above all else wanted. I felt Phil come up behind me, and I was sandwiched between them as Phil's arms wrapped around me and Dan. My sobs subsided to quiet crying.

That was how Martyn found us moments later.

"Jesus you three get a room already," he said jokingly. "Is everything alright? We heard raised voices."

Myself, Dan and Phil burst into laughter. I quickly wiped my face with the sleeve of the hoodie I was still wearing and glanced at Dan quickly then back to Martyn.

"We're fine, just a small misunderstanding that's all. All forgotten now," I said smiling. "Now who's for tea?"


	3. London

London

After Christmas I travelled back with the guys. The journey home was fairly non-eventful. We couldn't get a set of seats with a table, so Dan sat with me, whilst Phil sat in a seat in front of us. During the journey I must have fallen asleep, because when I came to again, Dan had his arm around me firmly holding me to his side.

"Hey, sleepyhead," said Dan quietly, giving me a quick smile before he went back to his book.

"Hey, lovely, I didn't snore did I?" I asked worriedly.

"Nah, you purred like a contented kitten," said Dan reassuringly.

"Where are we?"

"We've just pulled out of Leamington Spa, I think. Phil, that last station was Leamington Spa, right?" asked Dan raising his voice a little.

"Huh? Yeah, yeah it was. Awake then?" Phil asked, nodding to me.

"Yeah, Sleepyhead is awake now."

"I got you a bottle of water off the trolley," said Phil as he turned around in his seat to hand me the bottle. There was a look on his face I couldn't quite place. Was that jealousy? Phil?

"Thanks," I said quietly as I took the bottle. I was shocked by this new piece of information.

It wasn't long before we pulled into Reading station.

"Thank you, both of you..." I started but I was cut off.

"Don't thank us yet, Ana. We're coming with you to drop you back at your halls," said Phil determinedly.

"Oh no! You don't have to do that!" I tried protesting.

"Tough, me and Dan have agreed – now come on," said Phil as he put a hand on my waist and led me to the train door.

Phil stepped off the train and then put out a hand for me to take. Once I was on the platform, I turned around to help Dan with the luggage. Even though, in not so many words, Dan told me to bugger off.

As we walked through Reading station, I spotted some fan-girls pointing and laughing.

"Heads up, some of your fans are around," I said nodding left.

"Ready for the possibility of being mobbed?" asked Phil with a grin.

"That won't bother me, it's the speculation in the press I'm worried about," I said half jokingly.

"Oh that's going to be funny. What do you reckon Dan? Who do you think they'll choose she's with?" asked Phil with a smirk.

"Probably me, always seems to be," said Dan as a small blush graced his cheeks.

Just then the girls approached and asked for autographs. But not before they'd given some filthy looks. Ha! Jealous cows! I thought giggling silently.

After the guys signed some autographs – and had some selfies taken (at one point, Phil decided to drag me into a group photo!) we headed for the taxi rank.

The taxi journey went far too quickly. Before I knew it we'd set down outside the uni halls. A part of me was glad they'd seen me home, but another part knew that prolonging the agony was going to make it ten times worse. They followed me up the path and inside.

The time had come. It was time to say goodbye. By now I was biting my lip to try and stop the tears that were fast filling my eyes. I felt a set of arms slide around me, not caring who it was – I broke down in tears. I felt someone come up behind me, gently disengage me from the person in front of me, turn me and pull me against them. None of us could speak – what was is Shakespeare said? 'Parting is such sweet sorrow.' No fucking kidding!

"Thank you," I was finally able to whisper huskily.

"It won't be so bad, Ana. We can call or text or even Skype – everyday if you want," said Phil equally as huskily.

"Don't be so mardy, I'll be okay. Besides, I'm going to be busy. I have a few units I need to finish, plus I work at the pub down the road at the weekends, so not so bad, eh?" I said unconvincingly.

"We'll still be in touch, shorty," said Dan teasingly – bless him for trying to lighten the moment.

"Just cos you're a freak of nature, Daniel Howell!" I laughed through my tears.

We said our final farewells, then they were gone leaving only empty cold air. I sighed loudly and unpacked my suitcase.

The guys were as good as their word. Most evenings, Phil, would either ring or Skype me. On the weekends, I would text them after work then one or the other of them would ring me.

Before I knew it, it was almost the end of January. It was literally days away from Phil's birthday. I was sad to realise I couldn't be there to celebrate with him. I had too much I still had to do on my units.

On the actual day I decorated my dorm room with birthday paraphernalia and donned a party hat before Skyping Phil. The look on his face was totally priceless. The grin, magical.

"Happy birthday, my lovely."

"Ana! Thank you! You're a sweetie, and don't you look adorable in that hat," Phil laughed.

I saw Phil turn in his chair and call for Dan. "Dan, come here a minute."

"What?" I heard faintly off screen.

"Come here," asked Phil again.

After a minute, Dan appeared. His face also split into a huge grin too.

"Well, don't you look sexy?" laughed Dan.

I felt my face begin to flush. I really didn't take compliments well.

"Oh ho, what's that for?" asked Dan in amusement.

"What's what for?" I asked defensively and not a little aggressively.

"Never mind, how have you been?" asked Phil trying to distract me.

"Same usual, busy. What with uni work and my night job – been doing some extra shifts this week," I said with forced gaiety I wasn't feeling.

"Why are you doing extra shifts? I thought your dad was giving you an allowance," asked Phil in confusion.

"My dad cut me off after... after... I'm no longer allowed to go home. But today is not about me, today is about you Amazing Phil."

I looked back up to the computer screen, there was a look of agitation on both of their faces.

I wished I lied now. But for some reason, I just couldn't lie them.

"Honestly, guys, it's fine. It's Mum I'm worried about. I've spoken to my grandparents and I can stay there. No biggie," I said with a shrug. "Oh wait, I have something for you."

I lent forward and grabbed a cupcake with a candle on top of it. I lit it, and turned back to the screen.

"Okay Phil, make a wish. Done? Blow your candle out."

I gently blew candle out, and set it down.

"I really hope you enjoy the rest of your day, my lovely. Look I've got to go get ready for work, okay? But I'll speak to you soon, I love you both, bye."

I closed the lid after ending the call and took a deep breath. It was steadily getting harder and harder to be cheerful over Skype. I was missing them so much, it hurt. My phone beeped.

Ana, we're worried about you! *sad face emoji* I think you need a break. We're coming to get you next weekend! No arguments! See you soon, love Phil xx.

I sat back in my chair and groaned. I couldn't just disappear off to London, I would loose my job.

Phil, I can't come and stay with you. I still have too much uni work to do, also my boss isn't overly fond of me as it is – I'll likely get fired! Thank you so much for the offer though. Love Ana xx.

I set my phone down and set about doing my hair. Two minutes later, my phone beeped again.

Nice try, Ana. Bring some of your work with you. As for your job, I'm sure you can find better! I don't like seeing you like this, I'm worried sick about you. We're coming to get you! So be ready.

I groaned again – but didn't reply. I knew it was futile to argue.

Before I knew it, it was the first weekend of February. I was in a pensive mood waiting that knock on my dorm room door. Eventually it came; I darted from the bed and opened the door. I couldn't help it, I fell on Phil and silently began to cry. Relief washed over me. They were finally here.

"Oh, Ana, please don't cry," said Phil as he stroked my long auburn hair. "Let's go in, we're attracting attention."

Phil gently led me to the bed and sat me down. I looked up at him and found he was intently studying me. I could see he wanted to say something but was holding back. Dan sat next to me, and threw an arm around me.

"You've lost weight," said Dan accusingly.

Phil shot him a look as if to say shut up.

"Are you ready to go?" asked Phil quietly.

I just nodded, and grabbed my coat from the chair. Phil grabbed my travel bag and virtually marched me outside to go get a taxi to take us to Reading station.

It was almost five in the afternoon before we reached the 'Phan Pad' as Dan put it. Once we arrived I was immediately shown to the guest room/editing suite. I'd been shown where the bathroom was on the way through.

Once I'd freshened up, Dan was demanding to know what I wanted for dinner. We all settled on a Chinese from the takeaway down the street. After dinner I was in the kitchen tidying up when I felt a set of arms go around me and a chin rest gently on my shoulder – this time it was Dan.

"Anabel, go and sit down, I'll see to this. Phil's waiting to put a movie on."

"It's fine, I'm nearly done now, Dan."

"Don't argue! Go!"

"Daaaaan..."

"Go!"

"No! Make me!"

Somehow, someway, Dan managed to lift me and carry me bodily into the living room, and dropped me on the sofa next to Phil.

"Make sure she doesn't move, I've just found her tidying up the kitchen," explained Dan quickly.

Phil nodded to Dan, then threw an arm around me.

"You okay, Philly?" I asked having noted the look on Phil's face as dan carried me in.

"I'm fine," he said as his arm suddenly dropped away. "What do you want to watch?"

Phil got up and moved to the shelving unit where the DVD's were stored.

"I really don't mind," I replied frowning. Just what the hell was going on? First Dan being Jealous, now Phil!

I was about to ask Phil again what the problem was, but Dan had rejoined us, so I let it drop.

At some point during the movie I must have fallen asleep again, because when I came to, I found I was laying on top of Phil's bed still fully clothed. I wasn't alone either. Phil was laid next to me asleep – or so I thought.

"Where are you going?" Phil asked sleepily opening one eye as I made to move off the bed.

"Jesus, Phil, I thought you were asleep! I'm going to my own bed, just now I need to be alone." Things are getting real weird too fast for my liking. I thought to myself.

"Don't leave, Ana, stay. I don't mean like that, obviously. We can have a slumber party."

"Won't that make Dan raise an eyebrow or two?" I asked curiously.

"Nope, plus he's in the editing suite anyway, that's why you're in here with me," replied Phil as he yawned.

"Oh, oh right. Well in that case how can I refuse? I'll just use the bathroom and find my pajamas."

I wandered up to the guest room to find my bag. Dan jumped slightly as I opened the door.

"Jesus Christ, Ana, what are you doing lurking around at this time of night?"

"Sorry, I just woke up again. What time is it? And second, where's my bag?"

"The time is two fifteen, I put your bag over there in the corner," replied Dan as he stretched.

"Thanks. Oh, did you carry me to Phil's room?" I asked as I rummaged through my bag.

"We did it between us, we must have looked a right pair! When you're asleep you're a dead weight."

I just giggled at the mental image that popped into my head.

As I straightened up, I caught Dan watching me out of the corner of my eye.

"What's with that face?" I asked softly as I took a step towards him.

"Just worried about you. Since we last saw you a month ago, you've lost weight and you have black circles around your eyes," said Dan as he held out his arms to me.

I stepped into his embrace, and he buried his face against my stomach as he was still seated. Gently I began to stroke his hair.

"I'm fine, Dan, honestly. I'm so close to the end of my degree now, that I just get so busy that I forget to eat. Then by the time I realise I haven't eaten, I only have time for a quick Pot Noodle before I start work. But it'll get better soon. Promise."

He pulled away from me and looked up at my eyes. I don't know if he was looking for some kind of truth in them. But I held his steady gaze, nonetheless.

"I've just realised you have the most amazing shade of greeny-blue eyes I've ever seen," Dan said softly.

I felt myself starting to flush a little again. I closed my eyes and willed myself to stop blushing. When I opened my eyes again, Dan had a gentle smile on his face. I dipped my head and kissed him softly on the forehead.

"I'm going to go to bed now, my lovely, okay? See you in the morning," I whispered.

Dan let me go and watched me go.

When I woke up the next morning, I found myself in the middle of a Phil and Dan sandwich. Phil was laid in front of me curled up as close as he possibly could. Behind me, Dan lay snuggled up to my back with his arm over my waist. I smiled contentedly, I couldn't help it. Never had I felt so safe in all my life.

I stretched a little and I felt Dan stir. I turned my head slightly to see if I could see if he was awake or not. But I couldn't turn my head far enough. I second later I knew he was awake as I felt a small kiss land on my shoulder, and his arm tightened around me.

"Hey," I whispered sleepily.

"Sleep well?" Dan whispered in my ear.

"Like the dead. How come you ended up in here?"

"You were crying in your sleep, and Phil couldn't wake you."

"Oh! Well, I don't remember crying, I don't even remember dreaming!" I said truthfully.

"Once both of us snuggled into you, you seemed to calm down, so I stayed put."

I wracked my brain to see if I could remember dreaming. But I really couldn't remember a thing.

"Well thank you, both of you."

As I made to move, I woke Phil up.

"Ana, are you okay? I were crying so hard in your sleep, and I couldn't wake you," said Phil in concern.

"I know, Dan's just told me," I said as I indicated to Dan who was still laying behind me. It was then he realised Dan's hand was interlaced with his own. "I'm fine, I don't even remember dreaming."

"As long as you're sure," said Phil as he studied me. Acting on impulse I kissed his forehead and slid down the bed and stood up.

I walked towards the door and glanced back over my shoulder to see the guys had snuggled up together and were sharing a morning hug. I smiled softly and headed for the bathroom.

Later in the day, Dan and Phil had to go out for a little while so I knuckled down and tried to write some more of my dissertation. It was hard work trying to bully my brain into writing, after an hour and maybe an extra hundred words I gave up. So I went for an explore.

I eventually found myself in Dan's room, I looked around and marveled just how neat and tidy his room actually was. But it was the piano that I wanted. I grabbed a chair from the desk in his room and placed it in front of the piano and sat down. I lifted the lid and smiled at the black and white keys. I gently placed my fingers on the keys and started to play.

That was how Phil and Dan found me a bit later. I'm not sure how long I'd been sat there for playing and singing out loud. As I drew 'My Immortal' to a close I suddenly felt like I wasn't alone. I was right. Both the guys were stood dumbstruck in the doorway.

"Oh shit," I said in shock. "I'm sorry Dan I know this is your room..."

"Ana, that was amazing, you're amazing! I didn't know you could sing and play piano," said Dan in disbelief.

"Wow, that was just wow," was all Phil could say.

I could feel my cheeks seriously heating up again, so I turned away and made to shut the lid.

"Ana, you don't have to stop on account of us," said Phil trying to encourage me to stay put.

"No, I really probably should. I've procrastinated enough today, I need to do my dissertation."

"Just one more song? For me?" asked Dan as he pretended to pout.

I laughed at the massive goofball and agreed. "What song?"

"Can you play 'Call Me When You're Sober'?"

"Yeah, I can," I said feeling suddenly very nervous.

As soon as I started to play, I lost myself in the music and all nervousness melted away. By the end, Dan was standing by the piano watching me intently, Phil was leaned against him smiling.

"You truly are amazing, Ana. That was the most beautiful sound I've heard in this bedroom in a long time," said Dan grinning at me.

"Oh really? So it's always Phil's bed that takes the hammering then?" I asked slyly before bursting into laughter.

It took a moment for them to realise what I'd said. Both of them turned scarlet and I laughed even harder.

"Oh ho, so I was right then!"

I got up and threw my arms as wide as I could, and hugged them both at the same time.

Later that afternoon, I decided I would prank Dan, to make up for him carrying me bodily from the kitchen the night before.

I crawled into the living room up to the arm of the sofa where Dan was resting and I started playing with his neck. He jumped so much he nearly dropped his laptop.

"Ana, stop it! No!" Dan begged.

"No, this is revenge for forcibly ejecting me from the kitchen last night," I said laughing.

"Right, you're for it!"

Dan was off the sofa with surprising speed. I ran from the room and headed down the stairs, laughing as I went. Dan eventually caught me and pinned me to the wall.

"You're a right teasing minx, Miss Edwards," Dan breathed.

I felt a shot of desire shoot through me. I think Dan must have felt it too. He quickly looked around to make sure Phil wasn't lurking, and he kissed me, softly and urgently. I went limp with shock. Only in my wildest dreams did I ever believe this would ever happen to me. The kiss became deeper, and I could feel Dan's hands roaming my body.

Suddenly my eyes flew open and I pushed him away panting slightly. 'What about Phil?' Had become a mantra thumping around the inside of brain. I slid down the wall to the floor and buried my face in my hands. I was disgusted with myself. I felt Dan fall to his knees in front of me.

"Ana, I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have done that."

I looked up at him, and I could see the look of shock on his face at his own doing. I had no words to comfort him.

"We need to pretend this never happened, okay? I'm not going to hurt Phil, I couldn't. It would totally destroy me. Maybe I should just go home..."

"Ana, no! I don't want to hurt Phil either, and I'm sorry I took advantage. Please don't leave me," Dan begged, before realising what he'd said and hastily adding, "I mean us."

I looked at him long and hard. Why were they so desperate to keep someone like me around?

"Look, I'll stay until tomorrow like planned. But I think it's best if I stay out of the way and try to write the last three thousand words I need for dissertation."

"You can use my room if you like. I think Phil's in the middle of editing just now."

As I got up, I realised I was shaking. I headed for the kitchen and made a coffee, before returning to my work. But I couldn't concentrate. Daniel fucking Howell had kissed me! I smacked myself on the head so many times that late afternoon, I was surprised I didn't knock myself out.

I didn't see Dan again until dinner. By now we were both trying to avoid looking at each other. I was grateful that Phil didn't seem to notice, but he did positively fuss over me making sure I'd eaten enough. A few bottles of wine had been opened and after a couple of bottles had been emptied, Dan requested we play Twister. I looked at him in absolute horror! There was no way I was playing Twister!

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" I said in surprise. "I can't place Twister with you two, it wouldn't be appropriate, never know who might end up on top of me, or accidently touching somewhere they shouldn't!"

I tried to make a joke of it outwardly. But inwardly I was screaming. What if Dan tried something right in front of Phil this time? There would be one almighty ding dong between the two of them.

"You know, that could be funny! We could film it too," said Phil excitedly.

"Nuh huh, no way! I am not being filmed playing Twister!" I said adamantly. "Heck, I'm not even playing Twister with you two, I'll lose whatever little shred of dignity I have left."

Phil pouted at me and gave me the huge puppy dog eyes. I felt my resolve starting to melt.

"Okay, okay, fine. But I'm finishing a few more bottles of wine first!" I said as I completely caved in.

Phil looked like a child who had just been told Christmas was tomorrow. He got up quickly kissed me on the cheek a couple of times and dashed off to set up. I turned on Dan.

"What the bloody hell, Dan? After earlier, how could you?" I asked in a low cutting voice.

"Phil asked me to ask about it," Dan said with a shrug. "Don't worry I won't touch you."

He got up and went to help Phil set up the camera in the living room. I grabbed the half open bottle of white wine that was still on the table and started to chug it back.

As I entered the living room again, the guys had just about finished setting everything up.

"Ready to play?" asked Phil with a slight devilment about him.

I just nodded quietly and walked towards the Twister mat. I took a silent deep breath and let it out.

A while later and I was laughing so hard I kept falling flat on the plastic mat beneath me. For the second time Phil fell on top of me also laughing hard. The first time his foot had slipped as he tried to change his position and lean over me to reach the coloured spot he'd landed on. Both of us had hit the deck, Phil laying across my back me face down both of us just in complete hysterics. Dan was looking on just laughing at us. The third time I fell I landed slightly winded on my back, with Phil laying on top of me. I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?" asked Phil in a whisper.

I just shook my head. Again I felt a shot of desire burn through my body. I closed my eyes for a moment to try and push this feeling away, before a repeat of earlier happened. I felt a soft set of lips touch mine and I jumped, my eyes flew open, before I closed them again and gave in to the fact that Phil was kissing me. I'd done it now. I'd kissed both of them. Not that I'd ever intended in a million years for that to happen. The kiss deepened and I just gave in to whatever was about to happen. I didn't have strength enough to keep fighting these desires down. It had been so long since I'd felt a man's touch.

The night was completely magical. Both of the guys were gentle with me, and incredibly loving. I could have stayed locked in that moment forever.

Morning arrived like a thunderclap. I woke up feeling disoriented and sick. I also woke up in a naked mass of legs and arms. I was part of a Phil and Dan sandwich again. I laid there shocked at myself. Why did I go through with it? What had we done? Would things be totally awkward between us? Suddenly I felt bile rising in my throat, I had no choice but to move and run to the bathroom. When I came back to the bedroom, we all looked at each other sheepishly. By now, I'd wrapped a towel around myself and I suddenly felt very shy.

"So, err... morning," I said quietly hanging my head.

"Morning, Anabel," said Dan shaking his head as if he was trying to clear it.

"Morning, Ana, are you alright?" asked Phil as he quickly put some pants on.

"Yeah, think I drank a little too much last night, but I'll be fine once I've had some toast and coffee," I said awkwardly. Right now I didn't quite know how to act.

Dan still looked a little dazed as if he having a hard time believing last night had happened as well. We looked at each for a moment and felt some slight unease.

It was time for me to leave. In some respects I was glad I was going home. This weekend had royally fucked me up. Both mentally and emotionally. I'd been so in love with these two since I discovered them in 2010 and now I felt like we'd all stepped over that invisible barrier and taken things to a place that would mean we would possibly destroy things. What if I was catalyst that caused Phil and Dan to implode?

I begged them to just let me go to the station by myself. I needed and wanted to be alone so badly right now. They were reluctant, but agreed with my persistent pleas. I gave them both a swift awkward hug, and fled the 'Phan Pad.'

By the time I got back to halls, I found I had three missed calls from Phil as well as half a dozen text messages. I deleted everything. I couldn't talk to them just now. I needed time to figure out what the hell I was going to do. Would I treat this as a crazy drunken one night stand? Or did I want and need more? Right now, I hated myself so much and I was majorly confused.


	4. Shocks and Surprises

Feb 16th

I woke to a Youtube alert. Phil had uploaded another video called 'Another sleepless night with Phil.' I really didn't want to open it, but I did anyway.

There he was. He looked so warm and cute. Seeing his bedroom bought back instant memories from the weekend before, and my heart felt like it may just burst from my chest. How I longed to just be laid there beside him, to feel his warm cuddles - to feel his soft lips kissing the top of my head.

I watched the video through once, then I watched it again. This time I saw it; the deep seated worry in the depths of eyes. Was I cause of this sleepless night? Was he lying there awake thinking about me? About the fact that I hadn't replied to any of the messages he'd sent, or the Skype calls I hadn't answered. I felt a shaft of guilt hit me right in the chest. Why couldn't I just talk to him? To Dan? What was holding me back? It was obvious they cared about me, so why couldn't I do it? Why was I screwing this up so fucking badly?

I was driving myself crazy. There was only one thing I could do - get a train and go home to Manchester for the weekend. Well to my Grandparents at least. Maybe the change of air would help - also the walks in the countryside too.

I arrived late Friday night, giving my Grandparents a shock. I'd been so preoccupied, I'd forgotten to call ahead.

"My goodness, Anabel, what on earth brings you to our door?" asked Gran, after opening the door to me.

"Sorry Gran, I didn't mean to worry you. I'm sorry I didn't call ahead as well. I just needed a break - Reading is okay, but I miss the Pike, and Dovestones more. You guys too of course."

"Come in, come in. You must be shattered, you certainly look it - have you lost weight?" asked Gran as she shut the cold dark night out.

I neatly ignored that by asking how Gramps was - only to be told same as usual, better in health than in temper. I always laughed at that. My Gramps was many things, but his temperament was really quite mild. It was an inside joke to them. I also asked after my Auntie Kat, who was apparently still at work seeing to a difficult patient in the care home she worked for.

Gramps had heard my voice, so as he came striding into the hallway, a look of concern crossed his craggy features.

"Anabel? Are you alright my lovely? What are you doing here?"

"Hey Gramps," I said, as I simply wrapped my arms around his girth, and snuggled my face against his chest.

He felt so warm and familiar. My Gramps meant the absolute world to me. He'd always been there, always knew the words to say, and not to say. He was a proud and hardworking man, on the cusp of retirement.

I felt him stroke my long sheet of hair for a couple of minutes, before he drew me back so he could look at me.

"Anabel, my lovely, what's wrong? You look almost haunted, my angel. That, and you've lost an awful lot of weight since Christmas too."

Inwardly I grimaced. I didn't think I'd lost that much weight! But I must have done, because everyone but me could see it. Outwardly I smiled brightly.

"I'm okay Gramps, just tired. I need some peace and quiet for a couple of days is all. It's been a crazy busy time lately. Also I've been working extra shifts at the pub," I said, telling as much of the truth as I could.

"Why are you working extra shift? Surely you don't need the extra money? I thought your Father was paying you an allowance," said Gran frowning worriedly.

"He stopped paying me anything after my 'rescue' on Boxing day - along with cutting me off completely," I said sadly. The physical ache in my chest felt as if it would overwhelm any moment. Valiantly I pulled myself together before I completely broke down.

"Well of course we knew he'd cut you off, your Mother was in a right state about it. But I didn't know he'd stopped giving you an allowance! I would have thought despite his feelings, he would at least see you right. Guess I was wrong then," said my Gramps, his face writ with thunder.

"Come away in, I'll make some tea, then I'll go and make up the spare bed," said my Gran in a demanding fashion.

"Gran don't worry about making the bed, I'll see to it. After all, I have just completely descended on you with absolutely no warning," I said giving her big hug.

A short while later, my Aunt arrived home. She was extremely pleased to see me sat at the kitchen table drinking a brew. Just before I turned in for the night, I asked Kat if she'd be free in the morning to walk up to Hartshead Pike with me.

"Come on then Belle, what's going on with you?" asked Kat as we began our climb up the steep hills towards the Pike. Belle was the name she'd always called me since babyhood.

I sighed. As usual, my perceptive Aunt had seen right through me. I guess that was the trouble - we were virtually raised as sisters, being that there was only ten years between us.

"Kat, I did something stupid last weekend. But I don't want to talk about it now. I'll tell you when we get to the top," I said quietly. "I just hope it doesn't make you think badly of me."

Kat gave me an inquisitive look. I tried to ignore it whilst still trying to put one foot in front of the other. Instead, I began talking about my uni work and how that was going, also about the pub I worked in.

I could feel the stress slowly starting to melt away the higher we climbed. Passing all the little farms, and houses made me wish I could live here more. But I knew, and been told that I'd be better off finding employment in London, after I'd finished my degree.

As we passed an old abandoned stone barn, I had a flashback to my teenage years. I'd have been about thirteen or fourteen I guess - I remembered hiding in there in a sudden rainstorm, as at that point it was still weatherproof.

By the time we got to the Pike, our faces were tingling from the cold morning air that bit at our exposed skin. But I felt so refreshed and invigorated. I stopped for a moment to saviour the view. On a clear fine day, you could see all the way into Manchester. Today was too cloudy and a fine mist still hung in the air.

"So then Belle love, what's going on with you? What's happened?" Kat asked as we sat in the bricked up doorway of the Pike.

I took a few deep breaths, and began to explain.

"You know those Youtubers I like?"

"Of course - Phil and Dan, as I recall. Didn't you get lucky just before Christmas, and met them on the train?"

"Yes I did. I take you know what happened Boxing day?"

Kat nodded grimly, but didn't interrupt.

"I've been speaking to them on a regular basis since then - then last weekend I went to London and I stayed with them. Kat, I had a threesome!" I blurted, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. There it was out.

"Oh fucking hell, Belle! You?" asked Kat. Her face showing a massive shock.

"The thing is, since then, I haven't been able to talk to them. Phil keeps messaging me, or ringing me - or even Skype calling. But I just can't face it! I don't even know why. It's killing me, and it's hurting them deeply. What's wrong with me?"

I dropped my head into my gloved hands. I felt a shaft of shame rip through me. It was at this point I felt Kat's arm slide across my shoulder.

"Belle, you know I should be mad at you, don't you? But you know you did a silly thing, so I won't. Whatever possessed you? That is so out of character, even for you!"

With a supreme effort I raised my head so I could explain more about what had happened.

"I don't know. I was teasing Dan earlier in the day, because the night before, he carried me bodily from the kitchen to the living room when he found trying to tidy the kitchen. Anyway, he hates anyone touching his neck. So I snuck up on him, and started annoying him. He chased me through the flat, caught me, and pinned me to the wall - then he kissed me. Which shocked me. Then later on after dinner, through Dan, Phil had suggested we play Twister. I'd had drunk almost a whole bottle of wine, and during the game, Phil, fell on top of me. I had my eyes shut as I was a little winded, next thing I knew Phil was kissing me! It went from there," I said. By the end I was biting my lip, and my cheeks were bright red.

"Well... well... bloody hell, Belle!"

"I'm sorry, I know, I'm a disgrace."

"You need to sort this out. You need to decide IF you can sort this out, and be friends, or if you're going to be in a polygamous relationship. Or at worst, if you should cut them out of your life completely. I suggest you think long and hard about this - do you still want them in your life, or don't you? Only you can decide - let your heart guide you on this one."

"I love them, both of them, dearly. I have done for years. In a short space of time, they've come to mean so much to me in real life too. I'm in agony not talking to them, but I don't know how to act around them now, it feels so awkward," I said. Again my heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest as all the sadness inside of me threatened to engulf me, and consume me whole.

"Belle, for once I'm going to be angry with you - GROW. THE. FUCK. UP! OKAY? GROW. UP! If you were old enough to slip between the sheets with them, then you fucking talk to them, and sort this out. You at least owe them that much. They've shown they love and care about you. The only person with the problem here is you! So pulled your head out of your ass, and sort this shit out. Or Gold help you, Belle, I'll bloody well clock you one meself."

I sat in shock. Kat had never spoken to me like that before, and as far as I was aware, no one else either. I was actually trembling from the shock, and I wasn't also a little cold too. The only person to have torn strips off me like that in the past was my Dad. But at the same time, I knew I needed to hear it - and as usual she was right. I did need to grow up and sort myself out - somehow.

We sat in silence for a few moments, as I tried to sort my head out. Finally Kat spoke again.

"You okay, our kid? Look I know you think I'm being harsh, but I'm doing this with your best interests at heart."

"I know, I know. Thank you," I said as I leaned in for a cuddle.

"Honestly Belle, you're supposed to be the intelligent one of the family as well," said Kat as she embraced me.

"I fell overboard I guess. It had been so long since I'd had a guy in my life - I enjoyed their attentions a little too much."

"Aye, well, get this sorted for all your sakes," said Kat softly. "Now, how about a couple of photos - I haven't got any recent ones."

We mucked about for a few minutes taking photos of ourselves, and together. The we set off home.

During the afternoon, I took a bus out to Mossley, and went for a walk around Dovestones reservoir. It was really quiet on this cold February day. Come the summer and it would be packed with picnicking families. The walk around the reservoir took me most of the rest of the day, but it gave me time to sort my head out before I headed back to Reading tomorrow. By the time I got back to my Grandparents I had decided what I was going to do.

Before I knew it, I was on a train heading back to Reading. I felt much better in myself now. I planned as soon as I got back, and had a stable internet connection again, to Skype Phil, or Dan depending on who was available, and apologise for my behaviour.

It was mid-evening once I arrived back in Reading. It was also tipping down with rain, so by the time I reached the taxi rank, I was completely soaked and longing for a nice hot shower.

When I arrived back at halls, I found the door to my room slightly ajar.

'What the fuck?' I thought as I slipped my bag from my shoulder ready to swing it at the first sign of movement.

But the room was devoid of people. I flicked the switch of my light to see the mess and destruction that had taken place in my absence. My TV, DVD player, and CD player were all missing. Along with my change pot, and some of my jewellery. Clothes and shoes lay strewn across the bed and floor. DVD's and CD's lay broken, my posters had been ripped from the walls. I sank to my knees and let out a loud sob. I felt so completely violated.

Someone passing in the hallway must have heard me sobbing. A voice from the doorway startled me when they spoke.

"Anabel? Oh my God!"

I turned and saw Sadie stood there surveying the damage.

"Fucking hell, Anabel! What the hell happened here?"

"I don't know! I went home for the weekend, I've just got back," I said on a contained sob.

"Jesus Christ, I'm calling campus security."

I presumed, Sadie, had quickly run to the notice board in the kitchen with the list of emergency contact numbers on it.

Over the next couple of hours, I was questioned by campus security, and the police. All plans on trying to sort things out with the guys, went to pot for the moment.

An hour after the police had left, I was sat in the kitchen cupping a brew, trying not to have complete and utter hysterics. It was times like this that I was glad I took my phone and laptop with me everywhere - I couldn't bear it if they were to be stolen. My head was a complete mess. It was then my phone pinged.

'Hey our Kid, did you get back to Reading okay?'

In all the shock and chaos that ensued on my arrival back to halls, I'd forgotten to text Kat to let her know.

'Kat, I got back safely, but only to find my room has been robbed and trashed! I feel so sick - and completely violated. I'm a mess right now *Sad emoji*'

A moment later I got a reply.

'JFC! Are you hurt? Smh, some ppl! What're you going to do now?'

'I'm okay, shaken up - but okay. I'm not hurt. Looks like they did it last night. Right now I just want to run away! I've really had enough now!"

'Belle, come home. You've got us good and worried.'

'I can't, how could I? I'm not done with uni for at least another 2mths. Plus if I move back up that way, it'll be so much harder to see the guys.'

'Well, it's up to you I guess. I won't tell Mum and Dad about this or they'll be down like a shot to come and get you, and drag you back screaming, whether you like it or not! I would suggest some sturdy locks for your door though! Oh good, you've decided to sort things out then?'

'I have! I was going to Skype them earlier, but coming home to that mess, it drove it out of my mind.'

'Best of luck, Belle. If you need me, you know where I am.'

After my chat with Kat, I sat and composed a wordy email to the school's Dean, about the lack of security on campus. I knew it wouldn't make me popular but I didn't care.

I finally fell into bed about two in the morning. It took me hours just to tidy up the mess the intruders had left. I made sure to put a heavy box of books in front of my door - just in case!

I laid there for a while looking at the photos on my phone from the previous weekend. I smiled at the silly faces we were all pulling at the camera. A couple made me softly chuckle to myself, just because we all looked so bloody ridiculous.

Tomorrow, tomorrow I would contact them. Tomorrow, I would put everything right. I loved Phil and Dan so much - that I couldn't lose them, not like this. As I was drifting off to sleep my phone pinged. It was a simple message from Phil. It was almost as if he knew I was thinking about him and Dan.

'Goodnight, Ana, I love you.'


	5. The Worst Week Possible

Reconciliation, A Fight, The Brits, An Announcement.

The next day, I waited anxiously for a decent time to Skype Phil. I knew if I did it to early, that he wouldn’t be up yet. Same went for Dan. My stomach churned with nerves, and several times I started retching. 

The hands on the clock seem to crawl, as I waited rather impatiently for Phil to be online. Oh I know could have called, or text, but I wanted to see real life faces. 

Finally about three o’clock it showed that Phil was ‘available’ on Skype. Nervously I hit the call button and waited. After three rings, he answered. 

“Ana!” he said joyfully. A huge smile lit up his face. “Where’ve you been? I’ve been so incredibly worried about you this past week.” 

“I’m so so sorry, Phil. I... I... um... I went into complete freak out mode,” I said sighing.

“Why were you freaking out?” 

“Because of what we did the previous weekend! I’ve never done anything like that before. Phil, I’ve never even had a one night stand!” I admitted, I could feel my face burning. 

“Ana, that’s nothing to be ashamed of! Before that last weekend, I’d never done anything like that either. But I was nice, wasn’t it?” Phil asked hesitantly. 

“It was lovely. I felt so special, so... loved, cherished and wanted. But I don’t want to rip a hole into our friendship, Phil. Which is why I had to go away and not talk to anyone, I needed time to think about what it is I want. As hard as it’s been not to talk to either of you, I have missed you immensely this past week.”

“And what do you want, Ana?” asked Phil almost fearfully. 

“I want you guys in my life, now and forever. I have loved you both for almost six years online, and now as my real life friends. But I don’t know if we can ever let the lust we felt surface again. I couldn’t bear it if I caused you guys to implode, or for our friendship to implode either,” I said nervously as I bit my thumb nail, whilst I waited for Phil to take in everything I’d said. “By the way, how’s Dan?” 

“I want you in my life too, Ana. You’re such a sweet, funny girl. But you’re right, we do need to be a little more careful, I don’t even know what came over me! Normally I’d never dream of doing something like that, and neither would Dan.”

“He kissed me, you know,” I said as an aside hoping Phil wouldn’t hear. But he did.

“Dan kissed you?” asked Phil blinking in shock. 

“Yes, it was all my fault though. I was teasing him, I touched his neck...” I trailed off. 

“Oh... well that would explain why that happened. Do me a favour? Don’t touch him there again, Ana.”

I saw a flitter of jealousy cross Phil’s face for a moment, before he carried on brightly. 

“Anyway, how have you been?” 

I stopped short. I’d just admitted I’d kissed his boyfriend behind his back no less, and yet he was acting like I hadn’t just said a word. 

“Uh, Phil, I’ve just admitted to kissing your boyfriend behind your back, and you’re acting like I never said a word. Talk to me, tell me what you’re thinking!” 

“Ana, it’s fine, honestly...”

“It’s not fine! For fucks sake Phil, you can tell me off you know!” 

Just then I heard a phone ringing. Realising it wasn’t mine, I saw Phil looking with his in his hand.

“I need to go, Ana, I’ve got to take this. I’ll text you later.” 

With that, he ended the call. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

But later never came. It was a whole day before I heard from Phil again.

‘We’re coming up to Reading to see you tomorrow afternoon. We’ll meet you at your halls at about two in the afternoon xx’ 

Suddenly I felt really nervous about seeing them again. Especially as I had no clue what kind of mood either of them would be in. 

The next day dawned bright and cheerful. It was still cold, but the visibility was good. I was able to sit on my window sill and wait for them to arrive. I was far too nervous to write anymore of my dissertation, but thankfully I was only about a thousand words away from finally finishing the damn thing. 

Two o’clock arrived. My stomach flopped over when I saw a taxi pull up outside, and Phil unfolded himself from the backseat, along with Dan. I squinted into the distance, trying to judge the looks on their faces. Phil looked his happy normal self, Dan meanwhile looked a little grumpy. I took a couple of deep breaths before moving from the cold window sill to the door. 

I pulled the door open at the exact moment Phil was about to knock. 

“Ana!” 

Phil rushed forward and wrapped me in a bone crushing hug. Dan on the other hand, stood aloofly leaning against the doorway watching the scene unfold. 

“Phil, air!” I squeaked out a moment later. I felt his arms release me a little but they didn’t fall away. I felt myself melting into his hug, instinct took over and I snuggled my face into his shoulder and breathed in his scent. 

“I’ve missed you,” I heard him whisper. “Are you okay? Are we okay?” 

I just nodded for the time being. I wasn’t in frame of mind enough to want to talk. Moments later, I broke the hug and looked at Dan expectantly. 

“Don’t expect a hug from me.” 

“Wasn’t gunna,” I said coolly. “Shall we go for a walk down to Whiteknights lake? It’s behind here.”

“Fresh air sounds good,” replied Phil. 

I quickly pulled on my coat, scarf and gloves, then we set off. As we walked towards the lake I quickly caught them up with everything that had happened after I’d got home from London. Phil was completely incensed when I told him about my room being broken into. I took a glance at Dan, he seemed to find it funny. I held my tongue, I wasn’t about to go causing a scene.

When we arrived at the lake’s edge, I took the opportunity to apologise properly for my behaviour. 

“Phil, Dan, I am so so sorry for the way I’ve acted this past couple of weeks. I was a bit freaked out! I’ve never done anything like that before, and to be honest, I didn’t quite know how to act. Yes, I should have been a bit more grown up about it. But just for a minute put yourself in my shoes, you wake up in bed with the two guys you’ve had the biggest crush on for the past six years, completely naked, and realising you’ve had sex with them! Also there was the worry that I could potentially cause a rift between the both of you - if I haven’t already!” said in one huge rush before I chickened out and ran in the other direction. 

“Ana, I’ve told you it’s okay, I do understand what you mean. As I said I was a little weirded out too, I’ve never done anything like that before either, and I still have no idea what came over me.”

“Personally I think she was just using us, she got what she wanted, then had an attack of the guilt’s when she didn’t reply to us,” sneered Dan. “I think she’s been playing us this whole time, isn’t that right, Ana? You’re just a little slut who wormed her way into our lives and played with us.” 

“Dan...” started Phil but I waved my hand to shush him. 

I started to advance on Dan, I was absolutely fuming. I may had been many things, but a slut wasn’t one of them. As I advanced he started to back up. Phil was shouting something I couldn’t hear. I was so angry a red mist descended.

“I’m a slut, huh? You kissed me first remember!” I said through gritted teeth. “You pinned me to the wall first, you kissed me first! Don’t you dare ever call me a slut again!” 

“Don’t like the truth? You know, you are all he’s gone on about this last week or more! I’m so sick of hearing about you. Maybe you’d be better off just getting out of our lives for good! ” 

“Truth my ass, Howell! I never have been, nor will I ever be a slut.” 

The red mist dropped lower. My heart rate shot up as the words pounded around my head, fiery anger was the only thing guiding me. I could see Dan’s face sneering at me, finally I lost my temper and I drop kicked him into the lake. 

He landed backwards with an almighty splash. I stood breathing hard as I watched Dan break the surface of the water, and shake the water from his eyes. I watched as he waded back to dry land. I felt Phil arrive at my side. 

“Ana, what did you do that for?” 

But I didn’t answer him. I stormed off back towards the halls, righteous indignation in every step. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My anger stayed with me for the rest of the day after that. Neither Phil or Dan made their way back to my room so I assumed they’d gone home. How dare he? I’d been many things in my life, but that was the one thing I’d never ever been. I was so wound up that I headed for the nearest gym so I could use the punch bag. 

After my session in the gym, I found a text from Phil:

‘Ana, are you okay? I can’t believe you did that to him! That wasn’t even funny, you could have given him hypothermia and we’re hosting the Brit awards tomorrow night. I know you were angry, and he shouldn’t have called you what you did, but there are better ways of dealing with things. You were foolish and rash today, Ana. That was a side of you I didn’t know existed. I hope you can forgive Dan for today, I shall be having words with him myself xx’ 

I replied:

‘Nothing that a session in the gym couldn’t cure tbh! I took my anger out on the punch bag, all the while pretending it was Howell’s face. Did you even hear what he was calling me? He called me a slut, Phil, something I have never been in my life! I’ve been many things in my time, but never that! I’m not the promiscuous sort, I’m not even all that fond of sex! So you saw a side of me I don’t let out very often, big deal! Just know for future reference not to piss me off. I’ll only forgive that fucker when he apologises to me, not before. Have fun tomorrow night.’ 

I didn’t get a reply to that. 

The next evening I had to watch the Brit awards at work, which meant I kept missing bits. Eventually the rush died down enough that I could watch the interviews. Both guys were suited nicely, though I had to wonder at the fact Dan was wearing white shoes with his suit. Not that it didn’t suit him, I noted begrudgingly. Later into the night they were sat side by side on the couch, and Phil had a long stemmed flower in his hand.

“Aw, for me Phil?”

“No, Winston, you’re my flashlight.”

I burst out laughing. In my eyes, it was no more than Dan deserved.

I thought back to the year before, when the two of them had been caught slow dancing together. I remembered just how happy that had made me. Well until Dan realised that there was a camera on them and had hastily moved away. 

I shook my head. I was a complete mess of emotions again. So much for making things up with them both! 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

On the Friday after I’d finally got out of classes, I found a video alert on my phone. I rushed through the freezing rain back to my room at watch it on the laptop. Taking note of the title of the video. ‘Dan and Phil USA tour.’ 

Various different emotions hit me all at once. Sadness, because that meant they wouldn’t even be in the same country for months on end. Gladness, just because I was so close to finishing all my units now, and I wouldn’t have the distraction. Envy, because I wanted to go to the USA. Anger, because Phil hadn’t told me, I’d had to find out the same way as everyone else. 

I sent a quick text.

‘Just seen your video! Why didn’t you tell me? You must have known about this for a while now. I know things have been a little turbulent between us recently, but you could have still have told me about this!’ 

‘I’m sorry, Ana. I know I should have told you, I didn’t mean for you to find out that way. Forgive me?’

‘You’re lucky I love you as much as I do!’ 

‘I love you too. We’ll have to get together again soon, we need to sort things out before we go on tour, we can’t go with things the way they are. I’ve spoken to Dan about all the things he said to you and he realises that he was in the wrong. Take care of yourself and we’ll see you soon xx’ 

I set my phone down with a sigh.


	6. Beaten and Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's taken me a couple of months to update this fic! =/ 
> 
> Before any of you read this chapter, I need to let you know that this chapter is one massive trigger warning. There's descriptions of abuse and rape. So if any of you are triggered by this, then please, don't read this chapter! Stay safe my lovelies.

Beaten and Broken

*Phil’s POV*

I was worried about Anabel. I hadn’t heard from her since just before she graduated in May - the last contact had been a beautiful picture of herself in cap and gown, her long auburn hair, a profusion of waves and curls, her greeny-blue eyes sparkling with happiness. I hoped it had nothing to do with the new guy she’d met in April, a guy named Peter Evans. 

Dan and I had literally been home from our US tour a day when I was scrolling through my Twitter mentions, checking to make sure I hadn’t missed anything of importance, when I came across a tweet from Anabel’s Aunt. 

‘@AmazingPhil Hey, Phil this is Kat, Anabel’s Aunt. I need to talk to you, msg me pls.’ 

I quickly added Kat on Twitter and sent her a DM. 

‘Hey, Kat what’s up? Is something wrong with Ana?’ 

I got a reply five minutes later. 

‘Hi, Phil. It’s Anabel, no one here has heard from her in almost two months, I was wondering if you’d heard from her at all?’ 

My heart started to hammer quite painfully in my chest when I read that reply. 

‘No, I haven’t heard from her either! Last contact I had with her was graduation day - when she sent me a photo of herself in her cap and gown. Otherwise, I guess, a week before that, she messaged me to say she’d met a guy called Peter.’ 

By now I was biting my lip with worry. I knew there were still facets of Anabel that I didn’t know about, but I couldn’t ever imagine her cutting contact with her family, they meant too much to her. I could perhaps understand myself and Dan, but never her family. 

It wasn’t long before a reply came back. 

‘Shit! If I send you her new address, can you go and check things out for me, please? She moved to London about seven weeks ago.’ 

‘Sure I can.’ 

Kat thanked me and sent the address and her phone number to give her an update when I found anything out. I was surprised that they hadn’t come down to seek her out themselves, but maybe they just wanted to give her time to settle - maybe they figured she was busy and would call in her own time. But given that it had been two months, I could understand their mounting worry about her. 

 

“Dan? Dan?” I called as I walked out of the living room. 

“What?” he yelled sleepily from his bedroom. 

“We’ve got to go to Camberwell now!” 

“What? Why?” he asked as I rushed into the room. 

“I’ve just heard from Anabel’s Aunt, no one’s seen or had contact with her in about two months - they’re worried about her, truth be told, so am I!”

A stony look set on Dan’s face. I knew he hadn’t entirely forgiven her for disappearing after the weekend we’d all made love, and then when we came to see her and she’d wound up drop-kicking him in the lake back in February. There’d been a tentative pact made between them at the beginning of March - but it wasn’t great, there was still an underlying animosity between them. 

“Please, Dan? I just need to know she’s okay,” I said quietly as I pulled him into a hug and snuggled my face into the crook of his neck. Right now I desperately needed to just be held, the last time I was this worried was when Dan had got rushed into hospital. 

“Fucking hell, Phil, we’ve only just got home from the tour yesterday, I’m bloody exhausted. I’m really not in the mood to be chasing all over London for someone, who may, potentially not want to be found,” said Dan as he rubbed small circles on my back. 

“Please?” I pleaded, my voice muffled by Dan’s jumper. 

“No, Phil, I’m sure she’s fine - probably too busy screwing her new guy,” said Dan coldly. 

I pulled away from Dan and gave him a cutting look. 

“Fine, I’ll go by myself then.”

Stalking from Dan’s room into my own, I quickly got dressed. Just as I was pulling on a pair of trainers, I felt Dan materialize beside me. 

“What, Dan?” I huffed as I shoveled myself into a jacket. 

“Do you really think I’m going to let you go all that way by yourself? You’ll either end up hopelessly lost, or mugged,” he said smirking. 

“Oh shut up!” I muttered quietly causing him to smirk even more.

I grabbed him by the waist and pulled him to me. “Thank you,” I whispered before planting a soft kiss on his lips. 

******  
The journey across London took about thirty minutes. As we came out of the Camberwell Green tube station, I pulled up Google Maps on my phone and input the address I’d been given by Kat. It wasn’t to far away. 

Eventually we arrived outside a really rundown looking terraced house with a red front door with peeling paint. I was hit by a sense of foreboding. I quickly looked at Dan - there was even a mild look of worry on his face too. 

“I guess we should knock,” I heard Dan mutter quietly beside me.

I took a shaky deep breath before curling my fingers around the brass knocker on the door. I knocked loudly and urgently. 

The door was answered by a scruffy looking guy. He had tunnels in her earlobes, long rocker hair, a set of snakebites in his lips and multiple tattoos covered his skin. He was about the same height as myself, and almost the same build, but his eyes were a cold steel grey. He was wearing a pair of black jeans and a Lamb of God t-shirt. I could only assume this must have to be Peter, and a part of me made me wonder what Anabel had seen in him. 

“Hey, I’m looking for Anabel Edwards,” I said as politely as I could outwardly. Inwardly I just wanted to charge into the place and look for my friend. 

“And who the fuck are you pair of ponces?” he asked aggressively. 

“Friends of Anabel’s, is she here?” Dan asked coldly. 

“Maybe she is, maybe she isn’t,” Peter said smirking, arms folded across his chest. 

“Is she or isn’t she?” asked Dan sharply. 

“I still don’t know who you pair of fuckers are, you could be anyone,” said Peter cuttingly. 

“I’m Dan Howell and this is Phil Lester, as I said we’re friends of Anabel’s. If she’s here, please let her know,” said Dan a hint of steel appearing in his brown eyes. 

“Oh I know you! You’re those two poncy youtubers she’s always going on about! Well is ain’t here, mates so you can fuck off.” 

With that, he took a step back and slammed the door shut. A second later I heard him raising his voice and a high pitched girls scream floated out of the crack in the bedroom window. 

I looked at Dan, and Dan looked at me. She was in there, fear and panic burst inside my chest, it clouded my senses and left me incapable of acting. Next thing I knew, I was being gently led up the street by Dan. 

“No, wait, Dan we need to go back,” I said as soon as I’d recovered my wits. 

“I know we do, Phil,” said Dan grimly. “But I think we’re going to need some help.” 

When we got home, Dan disappeared into his bedroom. I could hear his voice from behind the wood, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. He emerged about twenty minutes later. 

“Who were you talking too?” I asked with a frown. 

“PJ and Chris. We’re going to need their help with this one, Phil.” 

After that, Dan refused to say much more. So I had to wait for our best friends to turn up before I found out anymore. 

******  
The plan was simple. PJ and Chris were going to go and canvass the street and wait for Peter to go out. As soon as he’d disappeared from sight, we were going to join them. Chris was quite a good lock picker, seeing as the front door only had a simple Yale lock. We would then make our way into the house and find Anabel. I never in a million years expected things to be as bad as they were.... 

******  
The next night the four of us travelled together to Camberwell Green. PJ and Chris headed for the street where Anabel and Peter were living. Chris was, for the moment, dressed as a door-to-door sales person he needed to determine if Peter was at home or not. Dan and I were waiting at the local cafe on the corner. 

A call came from PJ to say that Peter wasn’t answering. We went to join PJ and Chris - who was already quickly working on the lock. The door slipped open just as we arrived. We took a collective breath, and stepped inside. 

The house smelt cold, musty, and of marijuana. There was little bits of rubbish littering the threadbare carpet in the hallway, cautiously we moved towards the living room, and in the pale light from the streetlight just outside of the window we could see it was a tip. There were clothes covering the sofa, beer cans surrounding the armchair, bits of screwed up paper, scissors, skins, and a grinder on the arm of the chair. I winked my nose at the smell that permeated the room. Next we tried the kitchen, and the smell in here was even worse, dirty crockery, plates, bowls and cups strewn every surface, a dish of rancid butter sat on top of the stained tablecloth. I felt my gag reflex take over, I also heard gagging coming from behind me. 

“Jesus Christ almighty that’s disgusting,” PJ muttered quietly. 

I nodded profusely and headed back into the hall and towards the stairs. 

There was only one bedroom and a bathroom upstairs. I could hear muffled crying the higher we ascended. The sound appeared to be coming from the left. I took a deep breath again as I placed my hand on the handle of the bedroom door and gently pulled it down... 

As the door creaked open I saw a slight figure laying on the bed. The creak had made the person laying there gasp and cower backwards. I tentatively stepped into the room, Dan holding my hand tightly for moral support. 

“Ana? Is that you?” I asked softly? 

“P-Phil?” croaked Anabel. 

“Oh sweet Jesus,” exclaimed Dan as moonlight suddenly filtered through the window as a cloud moved aside. 

There was our Anabel. Her face was puffy, she had two black eyes and a fat split lip. Her long hair had been cut off to just below her jaw line. I turned back towards the door and flipped the light switch, making us all blink. 

Dan was the first to move toward the bed. Gently he took her in his arms and held her, a soft whimper was heard coming from Anabel. I just stood there, I felt the room lurch around me, I turned and ran past Chris who was waiting on the small landing, and headed to the disgusting mould-ridden bathroom to throw up. 

Upon further inspection, Anabel was a massive walking bruise. Her arms, legs, and torso were covered in black, blue, yellow and brown bruising. She had a broken wrist, and a couple of fractured fingers. She also been raped on numerous occasions to as the hospital later confirmed. 

“Chris? Where’s Phil?” called Dan from the bed.

“In the bathroom throwing up,” said Chris sympathetically. 

“We need to call for an ambulance, now.” 

“I’m on it,” said Chris quickly as he descended the stairs to get a better signal. 

I emerged from the bathroom and headed back into the bedroom. My heart tore itself a part. There she was all battered, bruised and very much broken. I felt tears start slipping down my cheeks as I sat on the bed beside Dan. He took looked extremely tearful as his hand moved from Anabel’s back to encompass me. Gently I put an arm around her and held her too. She looked up at me, and I almost recoiled in horror, in the light her eyes were virtually sealed shut due to the amount of swelling, I was surprised she could see anything at all. 

“Oh, Dan, Phil I knew you’d come for me, I knew you’d come find me. That’s all that’s kept me alive, kept me going, was the thought of seeing you again,” whispered Anabel her voice a mere caress due to the fact she was sobbing. 

I placed a gentle kiss on top of her head, and waited for the ambulance to come.

******  
Shortly after arriving at the hospital, Anabel was whisked away to be thoroughly examined. PJ and Chris met us there bringing as much of Anabel’s stuff as they could between them. 

“How is she?” asked PJ who’d been stood behind the front door listening out for any signs of Peter’s return. 

“Bad, I mean just to look at. We’re waiting for a Doctor to let us know at the minute,” said Dan pacing up and down the waiting room in an agitated manner. 

PJ and Chris glanced at each other. It was the first time they’d seen Dan so wound up. 

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, there was a phone call I had to make... 

******  
Once I got off the phone to Anabel’s Aunt, the door of the waiting room opened quietly. I prim looking woman was stood there, her hair tide off her face in a tight bun, she wore black dress trousers and a white tunic top. She looked like a rather stern faced, no nonsense kind of a person. I took a sharp breath and pull myself to my feet and moved to stand beside Dan. I found comfort in his hand as I softly slipped my own into his. 

“Mr Howell, Mr Lester?” she asked in a surprisingly soft voice. 

“Yes, that’s us,” I replied. “How’s Anabel?” 

“If you’d like to take a seat, I’ll explain.”

Explain she did. As it turned out, if we hadn’t found her when we had, another few weeks and she’d have been dead. She was severely malnourished and dehydrated. She had two broken ribs, along with her wrist and fingers. She also had a small amount of internal bleeding. Her private area was also very bruised and a certain degree of damage had been done, but until all the swelling had gone down, they couldn’t yet determine just how much. She was to stay in the hospital for a few weeks and was also to undergo a psychological evaluation before she’d be considered able to leave. For now, she had to go through the ordeal of Police questioning.

“Can we see her?” asked Dan rather abruptly. 

“Of Course, Mr Howell, if you’ll just follow me.” 

Silently, Dan let go of my hand and followed the Doctor out of the room, leaving me with PJ and Chris. 

“Thank you for all your help today, guys,” I said softly. 

PJ stepped towards me and pulled me into a hug. 

“She’ll be okay, Phil, I promise. She seems such a strong thing,” said PJ trying to reassure me. 

“I’ve just never seen Dan this upset before, it’s making me wonder what’s going through his head at the minute,” I replied worriedly. 

“He’ll be fine, mate,” said Chris confidently. 

But I wasn’t so sure.   
******  
After bidding farewell to Chris and PJ for now (They were staying at the flat for the night) I went in search of Dan and Anabel. In the end I was directed to a side room where I found Anabel asleep and Dan sat on the side of the bed, holding her right hand between his own, his thumb stroking back and forth at the side of her hand due to the canula that had been put in the back of her hand that an I.V was slowly dripping into. 

I came up behind Dan and wrapped my arms around his chest and lent my head against his shoulder. 

“Are you okay, Dan?” I whispered. 

“No, I’m not. Not by a long shot, I want that animal put behind bars where he belongs,” said Dan angrily. 

“Have the Police been yet?” I asked. 

“Yeah, they were leaving as I got here.” 

“Well, it’s up to them now, Dan, there’s nothing more we can do apart from be here for each other, and be here for Ana,” I said. 

“I know.” He turned his head to look at me before capturing my lips in a small kiss. “I love you, Phil.”

“I love you too, Bear.” 

******  
A couple of days later and Anabel’s Aunt and Grandparents turned up at the hospital. 

“My angel, my beautiful angel,” Jacob Turner had cried upon seeing the sight of his Granddaughter. Mrs Turner and Kat stood cuddling each other tears pouring down their cheeks. 

“Mr Turner? I’m Phil Lester,” I said introducing myself once he’d gotten over the initial shock of seeing Anabel. “And this is Dan Howell.” 

“I don’t how I can ever thank you, either of you for saving my little angel from that monster,” said Mr Turner as he wrung our hands in gratitude. “Has the bastard been caught yet?” 

“Yes, the Police were lying in wait for him. Not only was he charged with ABH and GBH, he was also arrested on numerous counts of drug dealing, and illegal gambling too,” replied Dan. 

“As long as that monster is off the streets, that’s all that matters!” exclaimed Betty Turner from her position by the bed. 

She moved away, and gave us both a massive hug. Words at this point weren’t needed.   
We left Anabel in the capable hands of her family for now. I stopped when I felt a hand touch my arm. 

“Phil, thank you; thank you for saving Anabel and getting her out of there, you to Dan. Anabel is so lucky to have you both in her life. I know she fucked up a little earlier in the year, or so I’m lead to believe, but know one thing for certain, that girl lives for you, both of you, she loves you both so much - and I truly do believe that you’re both her guardian angels twice now in real life you’ve saved her, and your videos six years ago, saved her soul, so thank you again for everything you both mean to her.” 

With that, Kat gave us both a kiss on the cheek and went back to Anabel’s room to be with her niece.


	7. Take Me Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update again. Okay, so this will be the last chapter that will be in Phil's POV. As of chapter 8, it will revert back to Anabel's POV. 
> 
> This chapter is a tiny bit angsty, a tiny bit fluffy. I hope y'all enjoy it.

Take Me Home

*Phil’s POV*

Two weeks had passed since we’d found Anabel. Most of the bruising had gone down now, but she was still covered in shades of green and brown where the bruises were healing. Her fingers had been splinted together, a hot pink cast covered her broken wrist. There was nothing they could do about the broken ribs except give them time to knit together again and heal. 

Her Grandparents had had to go home to Manchester at the end of the previous week, Anabel had insisted, she’d also insisted that she wanted to stay in London, I could only assume the police had probably told her to stay put, as there would be a trial against Peter to deal with some when in the future. 

Dan had insisted that Anabel stay with us until she was back on her feet again. Speaking of Dan, I’d hardly seen anything of him the past couple of weeks, the only time I did see him is when I arrived at the hospital to visit. He was gone by the time I woke up, and home again long after I’d fallen asleep. 

It was finally discharge day for Anabel. PJ was picking us up from the hospital as he was the only one of us that could drive. Dan had wheeled Anabel down to the main exit in a wheelchair into the bright London sunshine. I watched as she lifted her pale face towards the sun and smiled. 

“Take me home, Dan,” I heard her murmur quietly. 

I felt my heart turn over. Dan? What about Phil? 

“PJ will be here shortly, I promise,” I heard Dan reply as if he was a million miles away. 

Suddenly my world was spinning, and I felt sick. A jealous monster reared its ugly head and I felt a hot molten anger churn in my stomach. Suddenly, I needed to be alone. 

“I’ll meet you two at home later,” I said curtly. Both Dan and Anabel turned to look at me, surprised to even see me there. With that I stalked off, I could hear Dan calling out to me, but I completely ignored him and carried on. 

I had no idea where I was heading. I just needed fresh air and time to cool off. 

I eventually found myself sat on a park bench. I had no idea just how far I’d walked, or even where I was for that matter. My anger had spurred me on. I lent forward elbows on my knees, and my face cupped in my hands. I felt my eyes grow moist, why was this happening? Was there something going on between them both? Out of no where, I felt a hand land softly on my back, I recoiled and tore my hands away from my face, only to find Chris sat next to me. 

“Phil, mate, come here.” 

He held his arms out to me and I didn’t question how the hell he’d found me, I just scooted into his embrace and buried my head in his shoulder. That’s when the dam broke, and I burst into tears.

I have no idea how long we were sat like that, all I knew was how comforting it was to be in his embrace. It felt like it had been forever since anyone had actually wanted to know me at all. Chris didn’t say a word, he just sat rubbing small circles on my back with his right hand, whilst his left played with the small hairs on the back of my neck. After a while, I drew back. 

“You okay, mate?” Chris asked quietly. 

“I don’t know, Chris, these past couple of weeks of have been really tough,” I said with a sigh. “How did you know where to find me?”

“Mate, I’ve been following you since you left the hospital grounds. I spotted you almost running away and I got Peej to pull over and let me out. Seeing as I know how stupidly lost you can get sometimes,” ended Chris on a chuckle. “Tell you what, were not far from my place, let’s go back and I’ll make you a coffee.” 

Chris pulled me to my feet as he rose, and warmly took my hand in his and led me back to his shared house. Once there, he got me comfortably ensconced on his bed as his roomies were playing a rather loud video game, and ventured into the kitchen to make coffee. When he returned he had two coffees in hand, and a tube of biscuits under his arm. As he sat down and handed me my drink, he settled himself beside me. 

“So then, tell me what’s really going on with you. Normally you’re the coolest, most collected and together guy I know,” said Chris as he took a sip from his steaming mug. 

I sighed and took a breath. “To be honest, I feel so lost. Since finding Ana, Dan has hardly spent any time at home with me. He’s gone by the time I wake up, and home again long after I’ve gone to sleep. When I am at the hospital, it’s like I’m invisible or something. The bubble consists of just the two of them,” I said trailing off as my eyes started to turn moist again. I turned to look at Chris who seemed to be studying me intently. “What?”

“You need to talk to him, mate, look how long it took after Peej and I split up to start talking again. The situation is even worse for you, especially as you two are virtually joined at the hip, and you have the gaming channel together. I would nip this in the butt and soon, or the fans are going to be hounding you, asking what’s going on,” said Chris. 

“How can I? He’ll think I’m accusing him of cheating, and we both know how ugly that could likely get,” I replied.

Chris didn’t reply. For a while we sat in silence. 

******

An hour later and I left Chris’ to go home. I wasn’t looking forward to it, for once, I wished I could be going anywhere else in the world other than home. As I headed for the tube, I contemplated actually going home to my parents place for a little while, it had been a while since I’d last seen them. I figured I wouldn’t missed for now, maybe that’s what I would do, go see Mum and Dad for a few days, especially as we’d just been told that we would be in Australia for a few weeks for TATINOF. My thoughts carried me through until I realised I was outside of the flat. I took a deep breath and made my way inside. 

“Phil, oh my God, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick! Didn’t you get my texts or answer phone messages?” asked Dan in a rush. 

“TBH, I didn’t even think to check my phone,” I said as I pulled my phone out of coat pocket and indeed I had several texts from Dan, plus five missed calls. 

“Why did you run off like that?” asked Dan distracting me from clearing my phone. 

“How’s Ana?” I asked, avoiding Dan’s question. 

“Asleep on my bed right now, but even she was asking where you’d gone, she looked really worried, which right now is the last thing she needs,” said Dan reproachfully.

“Don’t you try to make me feel guilty, Dan, don’t you dare. Do you have any idea just how hard the last couple of weeks have been for me too? Wake up to find you gone, going to bed alone of a night, even when I was at the hospital, i might as well hadn’t been there at all. You two have suddenly gotten rather cosy -” 

“Are you trying to accuse me of something there, Phil?” asked Dan his hint of steel surfacing in his deep brown eyes. 

“Hey I didn’t say it, you did. Sign of a guilty conscience,” I hissed back at him. 

“OMG, Phil, do you really think I’d do something like that? Just goes to show how well you fucking know me these days. You know full well you are the most important person in my fucking life, there is no me without you. I fucking love you, you stupid twat -” 

I didn’t give him a chance to finish what he was going to say. The overwhelming sense of relief that hit me propelled me forward straight into his arms, my lips connected with his. I poured every single emotion I could into that kiss, leaving us both breathless. 

“You fucking stupid spork,” said Dan a moment later. “I would never do that to you, but seeing Ana like that has bought out a protective streak in me I didn’t even know I had. I was exploring it more and trying to figure some stuff out. All I will say is, if and when I have kids, I will be the most amazing, loving and protective father ever.” 

“Phil? Oh, you’re home!” said Anabel as she shuffled slowly down the hallway towards me. 

“What are you doing out of bed?” I asked quietly as I took a few steps towards her.   
“I needed to see you, I needed to be sure you were okay, and that you were safe,” whispered Anabel softly. 

“I’m here sweetheart, I’m here, I’m okay I promise. I’m so sorry if I scared you earlier, I’m an idiot sometimes,” I said quietly as I gently drew her into a tender hug. 

“Phil, I would never do that to you, you know that right? I’ve told you both that quite a few times now. I love you both so so much, you’re my world,” Anabel whispered in my ear. 

“I know, now come back to bed with you, you look almost ready to collapse,” I said taking her by the hand and leading her back to Dan room.

“Stay with me?” she asked. 

How could I refuse?


	8. To Love And Be Loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is back to Anabel's POV. Sorry it's taken me so long again! I've become the procrastination queen of late. LOL. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this update.

_“Stay with me?”_

_How could I refuse?_  
\---  
I took the hand Phil offered, and followed him back to Dan’s room. Once I was as comfortable as I was going to get with broken ribs, Phil laid on the bed next to me. 

“Where did you go, Phil?” I asked once I was completely comfortable my head laying against his chest. 

“I went to Chris’ in the end. He caught up with me, and he took me back to his place. I’m so sorry I acted like a jealous fool, Ana, can you forgive me?” asked Phil softly. 

“There’s nothing to forgive, if anyone should be apologising, it’s me. I’m the one yet again, that has put you in this position,” I said biting my lip sadly. 

“Ana, don’t ever apologise! How were you supposed to know this was how things would work out in the end? I’m just grateful we even found you alive,” exclaimed Phil. 

“I’m grateful you found me, I was expecting to die in that house,” I admitted truthfully.

I felt Phil’s arm tighten around my shoulders, and heard his breath hitch in his chest. I looked up at the man who’d been my saviour for the last five years. His eyes were wet, and a solitary tear was rolling down his cheek. 

“Oh, Phil, please don’t cry my lovely. I’m here, I’m alive all thanks to you and Dan,” I said as I reached up to wipe away his tears. “I’m sorry that you were made to feel like you were pushing away too, I was so surprised my Dan’s ministrations -” 

“Did someone say my name?” asked Dan as he walked through the door stretching and yawning. 

Dan seeing Phil’s cheeks were wet made a hasty moved towards the bed. 

“Phil, are you okay? Why are you crying?” Dan asked softly. 

“I’m just being silly and emotional, Dan. Nothing to worry about,” replied Phil. 

I watched as Dan cupped one cheek of Phil’s face, his thumb running along his cheekbone. I smiled, for the first time in weeks I actually smiled. I loved how these two loved each other. 

“Guys, you know what, I’m feeling kind of tired, I think I’m going to sleep now,” I said feigning a tiredness that wasn’t really there. I felt these two needed a bit of one-on-one time together. 

“Are you sure you don’t want -” Phil started to ask but I placed a hand quietly on his arm and gave him a look that told him to go spend some time with his boyfriend. Surprisingly, he took the hint. 

“We’ll leave the door open a little, just shout if you need us,” said Dan as he rose from his position on the bed. 

Once they left the room, I heard soft voices in the hall. I heard a kiss shared, and again I smiled to myself. Love did really still exist in this world. 

******

When I awoke again, I found the warmth of two bodies surrounding me on the bed. Feeling a little non-plussed for a moment, I blearily cracked one eye open to find Phil laying in front of me fast asleep, so I guessed Dan was behind me. I felt so warm, and so safe for the first time in months. Easy tears filled my eyes, and my heart brimmed over with love. What had I done to get so damn lucky? 

I lay quietly observing Phil for the moment, he looked so soft and warm as he slept, his fringe was starting to turn into a quiff. Obviously I’d seen his pictures on Instagram of his hair in a quiff, but to see it again in real life was so much cuter. I became aware of a weight resting on my hip, I looked down and saw they’d fallen asleep holding hands. 

I ran a gentle finger down Phil’s face, causing him to squirm a little, a smile appeared on his face, but he didn’t stir. 

I lie there for a while contemplating whether to move or not. I was dying for the loo, but at the same time, I didn’t want to disturb either of them. In the end, my bladder won the war. I gently shimmed down the bed a little, only to hear a voice. 

“Are you okay, Ana?” asked Phil sleepily. 

“I’m fine,” I said wincing a little, my ribs protesting at the movement. “If I don’t move, Dan is going to have a wet bed.” 

Phil comprehending what I was saying, moved quickly off the bed, and helped me to my feet. 

“Come on then, I’ll help you to the bathroom,” said Phil, yawning. 

Phil put an arm around my waist and we slowly moved towards the bathroom. 

“Phil, do you think you could help me have a bath or a shower in a bit?” I asked tentatively, biting my bottom lip slightly. 

“Erm, I’m not sure if that’s a very good idea tbh,” said Phil nervously. 

“Lovey, it’s not like you haven’t seen it all before,” I said tongue in cheek. 

I watched as a blush rushed into his cheeks. His free flew to his neck and awkwardly rubbed it.

“I’ll talk to Dan in a bit, okay?” asked Phil.

“Okay, Philly,” I replied.  
After using the bathroom, Phil escorted me to the living room, and got me settled on the sofa. 

“Coffee?” he asked.

“God, yes! It’ll be nice to have a decent brew, that hospital stuff tastes like corpses,” I said laughing slightly. 

“And how would you know what corpses taste like?” asked Phil laughing. 

I just shrugged and tapped my nose. Phil gave me a look of mock-horror and put his hands out in front of him. I was desperate to let go a full blooded laughed, but I daren’t in case I did more damage to my already bent up ribs. Just being around these two had already made a small step to helping recover my already damaged mind. I was still engulfed in darkness, but now, I could see a small pin-pick of light at the end of the tunnel. 

I must have zoned out, because when Phil came back he laid a gentle hand on my shoulder to let me know he was there. 

“Are you okay?” asked Phil worriedly. 

“What? I mean pardon?” I said shaking my head. 

“I asked if you were okay?” repeated Phil. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay,” I said a genuine smile on my face. 

Phil eyed me worriedly for a moment. “Here, take this,” said Phil handing me my coffee. 

“Thanks,” I said almost hugging the coffee to my chest. “OMG, this is amazing.” 

I settled myself and enjoyed the bitter liquid in my mug. It wasn’t long before Dan joined us. 

“There you both are! Are you alright, Ana? You were crying in your sleep again, the only way we could comfort you was lay either side of you,” said Dan worriedly. 

“Oh, was I? I’m sorry if I worried you,” I said sadly. 

“Hey, it’s not your fault! It’s not surprising tbh, after all you’ve been through lately. Plus the hospital psychologist did warn something like this could happen,” said Dan softly - softer than any other time I’d heard him ever speak to me. Even Phil seemed a little surprised by his solicitousness. 

“Right, what do you want for breakfast?” Phil asked suddenly.

“I’m good with whatever you guys are having. It’s got to be better than the food the hospital gave me,” I said smiling at the thought of proper food. 

“How does pancakes sound to you both?” said Phil as he started to get up. 

“That’s good, what anime do you want to watch?” asked Dan. 

“How about Death Note?” asked Phil as he headed toward the door. “Actually, Dan, come and give me a hand?” 

“Sure.”

“Are you okay for a moment?” Dan asked of me. 

“Of course I am, lovey. I’ll set the DVD player up ready, that much I can do without it hurting me too much,” I said giving Dan a reassuring smile. 

Dan gave me a nod, and went to join Phil in the kitchen. Twenty minutes later, they both rejoined me in the living room. Dan loudly cleared his throat once he’d finished eating. 

“Erm, Ana, Phil’s mentioned to me that you want a bath, but you’ll need help. I think it might be better to either call one of our female friends, or the district nurse,” said Dan awkwardly. 

“Oh, erm, I don’t want to impose on one of your friends, I’ll phone a district nurse,” I said quietly. 

“It’s not that we don’t want to help you, Ana, we just think it’s better if someone else does it,” said Phil equally as awkwardly. 

“No, no, it’s fine. I understand. I might need to go clothes shopping at some point though, Peter cut up a lot of my clothes,” I said unhappily as I remembered him being on one of his benders. I could only sit and watch in horror as he cut my clothing up. 

“I did wonder why there was so little to pack when we came to get you,” said Dan in annoyance. “Have you got anything to change into?” 

“I’ll have to check my bag in a minute,” I said shrugging uncertainly. 

“Well, if it comes to it, I have some spare t-shirts and trakkies you can borrow for now,” said Phil.

“Thanks, Phil. I think I’m going to go lay down for a little while, I’m still a bit tired,” I said sadly. 

“Let me help you,” said Dan as he made to rise.

“No, no, it’s okay, you stay there, I’ll be fine. I’ll talk to you in a bit.” 

With that, I left the room. Suddenly I felt sad and a little awkward, I hoped I’d feel a little better later on in the day.


	9. Help...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'll admit, I had some help with this chapter. I kinda fell into a rut, and didn't really have an idea how to progress this. So my bffl stepped up and wrote this fantastic update for me. It has now sparked an idea for a new chapter. Thank you so so much Eden, ily girl! <3

Dan had tucked himself away in his room when the district nurse had come around to help me, Phil having gone out. It was awkward and embarrassed to be having to undressing in front of this woman. She smiled sympathetically as she looked at the contusions marking every angle of my body, and the part where my chest caved in a little. I made sure not to glance in the mirror as she supported me into the shower – a bath would have really knocked me down, having her see me sit like that.  

The previous day, I had felt incredibly embarrassed about my choice to ask Phil for his help. Not only had I been rejected, but now I knew that I was causing problems with Dan and Phil’s once happy relationship. The only reason Dan had walked away from Phil and Phil from Dan was because I was in the middle of their relationship.  

Once I had burnt my skin under the shower for what felt like hours, I leant heavily on the sink as the woman quietly wrapped the towel around me with as much dignity as someone could in that situation and guiding me to her portable chair where I would have to try and dress. She left the room as I had asked to at least dress by myself and saw that Dan had done as he said and upon looking through my clothes had seen I had no decent clothes, only the odd pair of jeans and top which hadn't been worn or cut through. I struggled as I pulled them on, having to stop half way through placing my shirt on to breathe. The embarrassment was real. This was a total indiscretion to my ego, a kick in the confidence that no longer existed.  

The nurse came back in almost half an hour later to help me in front of the mirror and brush through my hair. In the mirror, I saw a face I didn’t recognise. The bruises were still lingering there, circling my eyes which had a constant bloodshot look about them. My jaw was still ever so slightly swollen on the left side, it just always seemed to ache. My hair was limp and lifeless, shortened from his blade on another night where he'd stayed home and ‘took care’ of me. My face was dampened from tears as she moved through my damp hair and dried it with a towel and the dryer. I didn’t break eye contact with the monster in the mirror.  

“Anabel?” a voice asked unsurely. I looked up from my hour long stare into space to see Dan crouched in front of me. We were sat in the living room now, the nurse having left and scheduled return in three days, a day I would dread. He reached up to push a rogue hair from in front of my eyes, but I flinched suddenly and he pulled his hand away from me knowing that I was still sensitive. “Are you okay?” He quietly added. 

“I’m okay,” I assured him quickly, but his facial expression told me he already knew the answer to my question. “Well, no… am not. But in a broken sense, I’m okay.” My hands met my face as I tried to rub off the sticky embarrassment that made me cringe with every passing moment. 

Dan’s hand touched my right wrist, once again making me flinch but he kept a gentle hold of it to reassure that he wouldn’t hurt me.  

“What’s happening? I know when something is up, and I don’t want you to struggle like this.” His eyes begged me to talk, even though inside of me I didn’t feel as ready as I had hoped.  

“Oh, lots of things my dear. Everything in fact.” I answered vaguely, creeping a glance at him that told me he wasn’t having any of it.  

“Well?” there wasn’t an ounce of impatience in his voice.  

“I’m just so, so very embarrassed! It felt like I was undressing in front of an audience. The way she looked at my bruises, it was if she was thinking I was a waste, and I didn’t know how much I could look at myself in the mirror…” I cried softly into my sleeve, which Dan was still holding. He gave my arm a squeeze. 

“You have no reason to be embarrassed, she was there to help you and you’re getting better. It's only temporary.” He tried to reassure me again, yet to no avail.  

“It’s not just that. It’s that I feel totally… exposed. Like everybody can see.” 

“You know that’s not true. He’s not here anymore, you have me and Phil here to help you now.” Dan gently clasped my right hand now and looked at me deeply in the eyes. 

“But what about yesterday, when you and Phil said you didn’t think it was right that you helped me bathe? I know you are doing so much for me, more than I had ever expected… but why?” I punctured the moment with the question most on my mind, which was clearly touchy to Dan, who let go of my one good hand and moved around so that he was sat next to me. 

“There are so many reasons, Ana…” 

“Such as?” 

“Such as my anger for the prick that did this to you. I can’t look at the bruises and everything that he’s mentally and physically done to you anymore, because every time I see the hand marks on your arms or the scratches down your wrists, I know that he did that, that he hurt you the way he did. And that makes me so, so very angry. I feel sick like I can’t breathe just seeing what he’s done to you since we left you.” Dan finished sourly, with a hint of agitation growing in every word. He looked away from me with his vacant fist balled in frustration and a hint of impatience in his voice.  

“But he’s not here anymore.” I reminded Dan, who had gone into such a trance of anger it seemed dangerous to speak freely anymore in case I angered him even more. He looked at me with watering eyes and nodded, loosening his grip on me and rubbed circles in my palm with his thumb. “Okay, tell me another reason then.” 

Dan took a large breath, steadying himself and trying to compose the anger properly. He picked up his phone, flashing the front screen briefly before placing it back down on his knee and facing me again, pain in his face. 

“To be honest, Phil and I weren’t going to tell you this as soon. We were worried it might be a shock to you.” 

“Okay,” I drew out my words, unsure.  

“Well, you know that we went on tour while you… anyway, that tour finished but we have just finalised the plans for another tour.” 

I knew how long they had spent in America, their tour being something spectacular that I had unfortunately missed in all the commotion. How could they be going on another tour? 

“And… where are you going?” I dreaded the answer, half knowing already the reality I faced.  

“Australia” 

At last, I knew it, I knew that I would not be welcome here. They were flying to the other side of the world, and I would have to accommodate myself elsewhere whilst they did so. Dan was already silently crying, but I was immediately letting go great sobs of pain, embarrassingly loud. 

“Oh, Anabel.” He reached around me and cuddled me into his chest tightly. “I know this is difficult, and we want to help you, but we had this planned for a long time and if I could change anything about it I would. It's why we’ve been so distant, not wanting to help as much, not being too clingy – we knew this would be difficult for you after such an ordeal, and didn’t want you to rely on us if it meant that we would leave you again and unsettle you when you’re this ill.” Dan’s hug tightened around me as I managed to calm down, but felt the immense pain radiate throughout my body. 

They were detaching themselves from me. They wanted to distance themselves from me so that when they did leave, it wouldn't hurt as much as it would if I were close to them. And what then? What would happen after the tour when they had long forgotten the fan they met on a train and got on with their lives, I would be stuck in this everlasting loop of mental pain.  

“Dan? Where’s Phil?” 

Phil P.O.V 

My fingers were ice cold as I rapped on the familiar door, the summer not quite warm as it had promised. At first, I wondered if I might had reached to the wrong door, having only been here once and it being in a flurry. There was a scratching of the door lock clicking numerous times finally after many minutes of awkwardness, and the door edged open to reveal a scared woman.  

“Mrs… Edwards?” I asked unsurely, feeling positive that I had gotten the wrong door.  

The woman pulled the door wider, which became a reassurance to me that I was at the right place, the woman being the absolute double of Anabel, but just older. Her eyes were swollen, a little like when we had left her here all these months ago. She looked hard at me, clearly not recognising me from the Christmas escapade. 

“Erm, I’m Anabel’s friend, erm, Phil. Phil Lester. I need to talk to you, could I come in?” I raised my voice, remembering that her mother was partly deaf. She nodded, a small smile hitting her face as she beckoned me through the door and into the hallway, where she led through into the kitchen and set about making me a drink without asking. 

“And who are you?” A husky voice boomed from behind me. I spun around to see a face I would never forget; Anabel’s father. He had not changed, except his facial hair had gone a grubby grey, and his clothes stunk more and more than I remembered.  

“I-I’m Anabel’s friend. I needed to ask you both something of a favour if that’s okay…” My voice was barely a whisper in the silence of the house. Mr Edwards face was that of thunder, his eyes not leaving me as he threw himself into a chair, clearly tipsy though it was only the afternoon. 

“Anabel? She’s not involved with us anymore. We don’t owe her any favours.” He flat out blocked me, disallowing even a small exception for his own child.  

“It’s something you may already know. I don’t know whether Ana actually told you what happened to her. But she needs you both right now.” I carried on valiantly.  

“Oh, I know about the bastard alright. Hope they send him to his sleep in there for good, and all. But that doesn’t mean that Anabel never walked away from us. She never saw what it did to her mother, did she?” Mrs Edwards glanced over, not intervening but a look of begging in her eyes.  

“Please, just think about it? Anabel is… not doing so great. We are all worried and she needs her parents now more than ever…” I knew my final plea would have to work, otherwise, it meant leaving Anabel on her own – a plan I couldn’t trust ever again.  

Mr Edwards let out a long, thoughtful sigh. Some of the anger had left his face by now, and I cursed myself for thinking he was actually beginning to care about her after cutting her out of the family. He tapped his fingers on the table and sat forward to finally look up at me. 

“I will think about it. what she has done to us is not easy, and I’m not sure how welcome she is here anymore… but I will think on it.” 

I could have jumped for joy knowing I wouldn’t have to leave her on her own as I passed my mobile number to the man I was putting my trust in, but I knew I wouldn’t of course, I had done what I thought was right by talking to her parents, but the point was I had to leave her. I had to leave poor, fragile Anabel again, and this time I knew just how much she would suffer from us not being there. 

No matter how much I tried to pull us apart, Anabel would always rely on us.  


	10. Always Fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay, I know, I'm so lousy at updating this! I apologize profusely, especially if anyone has actually been waiting for this update! I am the procrastination queen. I hope you enjoy this update! :) Hopefully from this point onwards, it won't be quite as angsty af I hope! I finally have a decent plan to move this forward - fingers crossed!

_“Dan, where’s Phil?”_

 

“Seeing as we’re about to go on tour again, he’s gone home to see his family for a couple of days,” said Dan vaguely.

 

“Wait, he didn’t even say goodbye to me! He just slunk out of here with his tail between his legs!” I cried. That action alone hurt me more than Peter ever could. “I can’t believe he would do that.”

 

I fled from the room as fast as the bruises would let me, tears fast flowing down my face. I can’t believe he would do that. I made my way to Dan’s room, and flung myself down on the bed, bruises be damned. My heart ached, they really were trying to break the attachment.

 

“Ana?” asked Dan tentatively as he stuck his head around the door.

 

“Do you know what? Just fuck off! I get it, you don’t want me to get too attached or dependant on you, well guess what? You got your fucking wish! I’ll go and find a hostel I can stay in, I won’t be a inconvenience to you or to Phil any longer!” I stormed as I threw myself off the bed, towards my bag of few precious bits.

 

“Ana?” asked Dan in a hurt, bewildered tone.

 

“What, Dan?” I spat.

 

“I- we don’t want that, Ana, I don’t know where you’ve got the idea that you’re an inconvenience -”

 

“Don’t okay? Just don’t! I don’t want to hear it -” I started to say.

 

“Anabel Mary Edwards will you just listen to me for a second?” shouted Dan, startling me. “You are not an inconvenience, okay? We both love you more than you could ever know, okay? If we didn’t, we literally wouldn’t have stayed with you in the hospital, we wouldn’t have ever told the hospital to discharge you into our care, yes we’re trying to stretch the attachment, but not break it. Phil, right now is talking to your family trying to get them to look after you so you won’t be alone, and we know that you’re safe and being well looked after. If we didn’t care, do you honestly think we would do that? Goes to show just how well you know us really.”

I just stared in awe. Then the dam broke and I flung myself at Dan and wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his shoulder. Guilt, and shame filled my stomach. I felt his arms come around me and hold me. Not a word was said by either of us for what felt like an eternity.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Dan. I got so scared, I really thought you were trying to push me away,” I whispered. “I literally thought I was losing you guys too, I thought you two didn’t want me in your lives anymore. So I tried to hurt you before you could hurt me. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

 

“The counselling will help with that,” was all Dan said to that. I could tell from his tone of voice that he was angry at the minute. 

 

I disentangled myself and sat down on the bed, only then realising just how much I ached. I let out a small whimper of pain. I reached towards the bedside draw for my medication, but Dan got there first. Silently, Dan, opened the bottle of pills the hospital had given me. He tipped two onto the palm of his hand and offered them to me. I knew why he’d done it, fear that I would try to overdose myself. I felt tears prickle in the back of throat. He’d hammered the message home well and truly; they did love me, wholly and truly.  

 

A little while later, and Dan came wondering in. I was laid on my side with my laptop and my headphones in. I moved one of my headphones off of one ear.

 

“What are you watching?” asked Dan politely.

 

“I’m catching up with all the videos I missed,” I said sheepishly, as I turned the laptop slightly towards where Dan could see.

 

“Oh, Undertale. Ana, I need to go out for a little while now I’m done replying to all my emails. Will you be okay?” Dan asked uncertainly.

 

“Danny, I’ll be fine,” I said without thinking. Dan cringed but said nothing.

 

“Okay, if you need me, call me, okay?” said Dan slowly.

 

“Dan, I promise, I’m not about to go overdosing myself! Now go, and stop fussing,” I said with a small smile.

 

Dan nodded and left. A short while later and I must have dozed off. When I came too, I could hear Dan talking in the living room. As I quietly made my way to the living room, I realised he was talking to Phil on Skype.

 

“Say hi to Instagram,” said Dan cheerily.

 

“Hi, Instagram,” I heard Phil reply.

 

“Why aren’t you here with me, Phil?” asked Dan chuckling. My heart turned over, I knew that had a lot more meaning behind it than anyone would ever realise. I knew the Phandom would go nuts over that statement too. I crept back to Dan’s room with a sigh.

 

I must have dozed off because when I came too again, the light had dulled a little, and the flat was silent. I slipped from the bed and headed towards the kitchen to make some tea. Once I’d filled the kettle and set it to boil, I went in search of Dan. I found him busily scrolling through emails in the office.

 

“Dan?” I asked quietly making him jump.

 

“Ana, Jesus Christ, you scared me,” replied Dan with a small laugh.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean too,” I said as I stepped into the room and moved towards Dan. Once I was close enough, I plopped a kiss on top of his head. Dan turned in his chair and slipped his arms around my waist, and briefly buried his face into my stomach. I hid a wince as he hit a still tender spot.

 

“Are you okay?” I asked frowning ever so slightly.

 

“Yeah, I just - I’m sorry about this morning, I shouldn’t have shouted at you. But sometimes, you can be damn infuriating, Ana. Don’t ever think that we don’t love you, okay? Because we do! We’ll always love you, the bond between us may stretch a little, but it’ll never break, okay?”

 

“Okay, lovey,” I said, my hands moving from his shoulders to cup his face as gently as I could despite my left still being in plaster, and the fingers on my right still heavily splinted. I bought my lips down to graze against his forehead. “Do you want tea?”

 

“That would be highly appreciated right now,” grinned Dan as he indicated to the computer screen.

 

“What are you working on?” I asked out of curiosity.

 

“Take a look for yourself,” replied Dan smirking.

 

I glanced over at the computer screen and realised - it was an Internet Support Group email.

 

“Ah, yeah, okay, I’ll leave you to it,” I said throwing a wicked grin at Dan.

 

“Thanks,” he pouted.

 

I let go a short laugh, causing Dan to pout more.

 

“I hate you,” he muttered.

 

“Love you too, Danny boy,” I said with a grin.

 

I moved out of Dan’s arms and headed towards the door, just as I reached it, Dan spoke again.

 

“Once I’m done here, I’ll see to dinner. Why don’t you go and watch a movie or read a book?”

 

*

 

Once I was done making tea, I headed back to the lounge and curled up on the sofa and started watching _Buffy The Vampire Slayer._ It had been forever since I’d last watched it, and I knew Phil wouldn’t mind. I was so absorbed watching the TV that I didn’t hear Dan as he came into the lounge sometime later. Dan touched me on my shoulder, which caused me to jump and squeal rather loudly.

 

“Jesus Christ on a boat, Daniel, announce yourself next time! Holy hell!” I exclaimed as I clutched my chest tightly.

 

But Dan just stood there laughing heartily.

 

“Oh you are for it!” I said swinging myself off the sofa as carefully as I could a cushion clutched tightly in my left plastered hand. I swung and connected with Dan’s arm and side making him totter a little. He stood staring at me in shock for a moment, so I took the opportunity to swing again, this time though, he saw me coming and darted from the room.

 

“Wimp,” I yelled after him.

 

“Damn straight, I’m not staying in there so you can carry on assaulting me with a cushion!” Dan yelled back.

 

“Pussy!” I called.

 

“You’ll keep, madam! I’ll get you when you least expect it,” Dan yelled back. It was then I realised he wouldn’t and couldn’t hit me back, not even playfully with a cushion or pillow. A soft smile slid across my face and my heart swelled with love for this adorable dork. “What do you want for dinner? I’m thinking pizza.”

 

“Yeah, pizza sounds good, ta!” I called back.

 

*

 

Later that evening, after Dan had tidied up and we’d watched a few more episodes of Buffy, Dan got up to make himself a drink. Five minutes later I heard the sound of breaking glass.

 

“Fucking hell, are you okay?” I asked from the kitchen doorway.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay, just dropped my favourite glass on the floor, so don’t try coming in. I’m just going to post this, then I’ll clean it up,” said Dan as he ran a hand distractedly through his hair.

 

“Yeah, I can see that! So wasn’t gonna,” I smirked leaning against the door frame.

 

“Okay, smirky mcsmirkinson, go away,” said Dan flapping a hand in a shooing motion at me.

 

Laughing, I strode back to the lounge. Ten minutes later, Dan came wondering in with his phone attached to his ear.

 

“Ana, Phil,” he said as he handed me his phone.

 

“Philly, hey! Thanks for sneaking off without saying goodbye, by the way!” I said sleepily.

 

“Are you okay, Ana? I’m sorry, you were with the district nurse and I had to go...” said Phil sounding worried.

 

“Oh! Well you should have said goodbye before she got here then! Yeah, I’m okay, not long ago took my meds, so I’m a bit sleepy now,” I replied. “Are you enjoying the Northlands?”

 

“Yeah, everyone here sends their love,” I could hear the smile in his voice.

 

“Awww, tell them I love them too,” I smiled. 

 

“Ana, I have a confession to make, I went to see your parents today,” said Phil nervously. I tensed and nearly dropped the phone.

 

“What do you mean you went to see my parents, Phil? Why would you do that?” I asked panic rising in my chest.

 

“I don’t know if Dan’s told you, but we’re due to go on tour to Australia in a few weeks, and we don’t want to leave you -”

 

“Yes, he’s told me!” I snapped. “I can’t believe you went to see my parents! As if I’d move back in with them, not after what my Father’s done to me in the past! Are you fucking batshit crazy, Phil? Fucking hell!”

 

My voice started rising in fury causing Dan to come rushing back into the room.

 

“There is absolutely no way in hell am I moving back in with my parents! I much rather live in a hostel than do that! Oh my God!”

 

I threw the phone down on the sofa and left the room as quickly as I could, tears streaming down my face. Why would he do that? Had he gone completely mad? He knew full well what my Father had done to me in the past. I wouldn’t be any better off than I was had I still been living with Peter.

 

Moments later and Dan followed in.

 

“Ana?”

 

“I can’t believe he’d do that, Dan! Why? Why would he do that?” I sobbed from my curled position on the edge of Dan’s bed.

 

“He was just trying to help I guess,” replied Dan with a frown.

 

Even he looked a little shocked that Phil had gone to my parents place.

 

“Why couldn’t he have gone to my Grandparents, for fucks sake!” I cried.

 

“I’ll text him and ask him too. Honestly, he can be such a prat sometimes,” Dan muttered to himself fondly.

 

*

 

The time had come to wrap up for the night. Dan finished up with his Instagram story - I made sure I was as far over the other side of the bed as possible without falling out, lest the fans knew the better. Once Dan was done, I moved to lie on my back and stare at the ceiling.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” asked Dan nudging me with his elbow lightly.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Still a little surprised that Phil went to see my parents. I understand that he wants to make sure I have someone to help me and look after me, I do, but of all the idiotic things he could do,” I said trailing off.

 

“I know, and I have had words with him about that.”

 

I turned my head to look at Dan, a frown marred his face.

 

“What’s up, love?” I asked.

 

“Like you, I can’t believe he went there, like I’d let you be released back into the care of your parents. Your grandparents or your aunt, yes, totally, without question,” said Dan sighing. “Don’t worry, we’ll sort this out, I promise. Now come here and let’s go to sleep.”

 

I wriggled closer to Dan and turned on my side so my back was against his chest. Dan lightly wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed my shoulder.

 

“Goodnight, Ana, sleep well,” he said.

 

“You too,” I replied. Dan fell asleep relatively quickly, I laid there long into the night deciding what my next move should be once the guys had gone on tour. It was about five in the morning when I finally fell asleep a plan of action in my mind. 

 


	11. Moving On Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, would you look at that! One week, and I've updated again! LOL xD 
> 
> I hope whomever is reading this, that you enjoy this update! I actually enjoyed writing it! :)

When Phil called the next day, he’d actually been to see my Grandparents and Aunt Kat.   
   
“Ana, hey!” said Phil cheerfully. I could almost hear the smile in his voice.   
   
“Hey lovey, look I’m sorry about freaking out on you yesterday, just the thought of having to go -” He cut me short before I could go off on my tangent.   
   
“Ana, Ana, don’t worry, okay? It’s all forgotten. I can’t believe I’d be as stupid as that,” ended Phil with a laugh. “Anyway, I’ve just let your grandparents place.”   
   
“Oh! How are they? How’s Kat?” I asked in quick succession.   
   
“They’re fine, all fit and healthy. Probably fitter than me to be honest,” Phil’s giggled travelled fast down the line.   
   
“Philly, that’s not all that difficult!” we both laughed, knowing just how unfit Dan and Phil were.   
   
“So, anyway, I have news for you. Your Auntie Kat has agreed to come down and stay, just until you’re back on your feet properly,” said Phil with something akin to relief in his voice.   
   
“But, what about work?” The realisation that she seemingly worked long hours made me frown uncertainly.   
   
“They’re apparently a bit short on hours right now, so they’ve offered Kat some holiday time for now,” supplied Phil.   
   
“Oh, oh right, poor Kat!” I murmured quietly. “That’s the only problem with care work, though, and especially as they’ve now changed to zero hour contracts.”   
   
“You can say that again. Anyway, I need to go, my phone is beeping like crazy, Mum wants me,” Phil perked up with a grin in his voice.   
   
“Okay my lovely, speak to you later.”   
   
Once I got off the phone to Phil, I went in search of Dan and found him in the process of playing Guild Wars 2 in the office.   
   
“Danny, here’s your phone back,” I said announcing myself loudly so not to scare him again.   
   
Dan paused the game and turned in his chair to face me.   
   
“Everything okay?” Questioned Dan.   
   
“Yeah, my Auntie Kat is going to come down and stay with me and help look after me. Dan, I’ve been thinking, I’m going to start looking for a place of my own, I can’t stay here indefinitely, you and Philly need your privacy,” I said in a rush before I chickened out.   
Dan just stared at me like it was the first time he was seeing me.   
   
“What?” I asked nervously.   
   
“Ana, how can you possibly afford to get a place here in London?” asked Dan quietly, a tone of upset in his voice.   
   
“I can get a job y’know! I’m not going to be like this forever,” I was only stating the obvious; with them both going on tour, I was not sure whether I would need to be here.   
   
“I know, it’s just - it’s going to be weird, you not being here, I’ve gotten so used to you being here -”   
   
“Wow, Dan, so sentimental! Who knew you had that side to you?” I laughed.   
   
Dan threw me a mock glare, and I just smiled.   
   
**   
   
In the weeks that followed, everything became a blur of activity. The guys started rehearsals for TATINOF Australia, Kat came to London and was currently sharing Dan’s bed with me. She helped me with showering, and she was gentler than the district nurse.   
By the time Dan and Phil left for Australia, the bruises and my bones had healed.   
   
On the day they flew out, I had a hospital appointment for a series of x-rays on my ribs, wrist, and fingers. The discharge forms were filled in and I could finally walk out for the last time, which was such a relief that I actually burst into tears.   
   
“What ya crying for ya bloody mardarse?” laughed Kat.   
   
“Just relief now. I can finally start doing more for myself again. I can also start job hunting now,” There was a watery smile on my face as I spoke.   
   
As we walked out of the hospital, Kat threw an arm over my shoulder and smiled. It was a bright, warm, sunny day when we left, and I turned my face towards the sun to smile. This was the start of a whole new life for me now.   
   
A week and a half into the tour, and I received a Skype call from the guys. I happily hit accept.   
   
“Hey, guys!” I chirped.   
   
“Hey, that’s my line!” laughed Phil.   
   
I let out a full bloodied laugh at that.   
   
“You’re looking happier than when we left,” commented Dan.   
   
“I’m free again,” I said with a wink.   
   
“What’s that supposed to mean?” mock-pouted Dan.   
   
“Yeah, what?” asked Phil, mirth sparkling in his bright blue eyes.   
   
Both of my hands reached into the view of the camera so they could clearly see the plaster and splints had been removed.   
   
“Oh my God, Ana!” squealed Phil. “When did they come off?”   
   
“The day you flew out funnily enough,” I replied with a huge smile.   
   
“Oh, Ana, I am so happy for you!” said Dan quietly.   
   
Trying to read him best I could through the image on the screen, even Phil noticed how quiet he went and gave Dan a look. I frowned; I thought Dan would be happier now I could be a bit more independent. The look Phil gave Dan was one of sadness and confusion. I’d hate to be on the end of that conversation that was sure to take place later.    
   
“Have you done something different with your hair?” Asked Phil, trying to fill the awkward silence that had settled over us.   
   
“Oh, yeah, Kat took me to a salon to get it tidied up. The stylist gave me a discount because of what happened to me - and no I didn’t tell her, Kat did. You should have seen her face when Kat explained how long my hair used to be, and that Peter had hacked it off in a fit of temper. I wanted nothing more than to curl up and hide,” I explained quickly.   
   
“Why would she do that? That’s a bit rude,” Dan said loudly, making both Phil and myself jump.   
   
“I know, she was just trying to make conversation was all,” I said, shrugging.   
   
“Still, she had no right, telling that person anything,” replied Dan indignantly.   
   
I quickly changed the subject before Dan could get any madder.   
   
“How’s Australia?”   
   
“Warm! I know it’s winter, but still, a little too warm for my liking,” laughed Phil.   
   
I laughed. “Have you run across any creepy crawlies yet?”   
   
“No thank God!” Said Dan with a grin.   
   
“But we did go to a wildlife park today, and we got to hold a koala!” Said Phil excited.   
   
“Oooh! What was that like?”   
   
The guys launched into an explanation of everything that they’d seen that day. Before we knew it, we’d been talking an hour and a half.   
   
“Bloody hell! We’ve been nattering for ages,” I exclaimed with a laugh.   
   
“No wonder I’m feeling so fucking tired,” Dan glanced sleepily at the time on his phone.   
   
“I better let you guys go! Go sleep, my lovelies. I love you both so much, and I’m missing you lots, see you in about a week and a half or so,” I said smiling at them.   
   
“G’night, Ana,” said Phil, trying to imitate an Australian accent.   
   
“What the actual fuck was that?” I said gasping on a laugh.   
   
“Phil, that was the worst thing to come out of your mouth,” said Dan, rolling his eyes.   
   
“Goodnight you two,” I said firmly.   
   
Once they’d said their goodnights, I hit end call and scrubbed my face with my hands. It had been exhausting pretending that everything was okay and that I wasn’t missing them like crazy. I let out a sigh and moved from the office to go and see what Kat was up to.   
   
**   
By the time Dan and Phil returned from Australia, I’d been fortunate enough to have found a job in a quaint little bookshop in the heart of London. The owner also had a flat above the shop that had just been vacated. It was a cozy little place with a bedroom, kitchenette, and bathroom. It was totally self-contained, and I loved it. Yes, it was a little shabby, but I knew some paint and paper would eventually cure that. The owner let me have it on a discounted rental price too.   
   
On the day Dan and Phil were due to arrive home, I met them at the airport. I felt it was only fair to tell them that I’d moved out of the Phan Pad and that I had a job too.   
   
“Hey guys, how was the flight?” I asked nervously once they made it through passport control and baggage claim.   
   
Both guys dropped the bags they’d been holding and I found myself in a Phanwich.   
   
“Wow, such an emotional display you two!” I mocked them gleefully.   
   
“Ana, you look so good! No more bruises, no more plaster, no more splints! Also, have you had your hair restyled, I wasn’t sure if I’d dreamed it when we spoke on Skype the other week?” exclaimed Dan.   
   
Phil didn’t need to use words, the smile on his face were words enough.   
   
“Thanks, and yes, Kat treated me to a salon day for reals.”   
   
Now my hair was a sleek, shining bob, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt pretty.   
   
“You look amazing, Ana, truly,” said Phil.   
   
“Ta, Philly. Come on, let’s get you home.”   
   
Once we arrived back at the boys’ place, and I’d made some tea, I dropped my bombshell.   
   
“Guys, look, I need to talk to you about something,” I mentioned, fiddling with the sleeve of my jean jacket.   
   
“What is it, Ana? You know you can tell us anything, right?” Dan reassured.   
   
“I know, Danny, I know,” I said, giving him a moist smile.   
   
“Ana?” said Phil with such concern in his voice, that I almost broke.   
   
“Guys, my dear, dear darlings, I love you both so much, and I can never thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me,” Starting was easy, the next part was just so hard.   
   
“Ana, you’re worrying me now, what’s wrong?” asked Phil real concern in his voice.   
   
“No, nothing’s wrong, I promise, Philly. It’s just that, well, I have a job now and I’ve moved out.”    
   
There, I’d said it.   
   
Stunned silence rang through the living room.   
   
“Wait! What?” asked Phil.   
   
“I can’t believe you actually did it!” exclaimed Dan in shock.   
   
“What? You knew about this?” Phil questioned.   
   
“She’d mentioned it in passing when you were away, I just didn’t expect everything to have moved as quick as it did,” said Dan.   
   
“You’ve really done it?” asked Phil uncertainly.   
   
“Yes, Philly, I’ve really done it. Here’s my key,” I said as I started to take the key off my key ring to give back.   
   
Phil’s hand shot out, and gently covered my hand with his own and gave a soft squeeze. “No Ana, you keep it.”   
   
I gave him a huge smile.   
   
**   
A couple of days later, the guys came to visit my place of work, and to have a look around my cozy little flat. Phil seemed totally enchanted with the bookshop, and Dan was throwing out interior design ideas once we stepped into the flat, much to my amusement. They could see I was happily settled, and that was enough for them - for now at least.


End file.
